Depositphotos
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Joke of the Day, Kids Perspective
Depositphotos
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box filled with cotton, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Kids Perspective
123RF.com
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Kids Perspective
lialip.com
POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop?
Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report.
‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’
‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her.
‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’
Pexels-Jagmeet-Singh
POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Grin for the Day, Kids Perspective
forwarded email
This one brings back memories from my childhood.
For some strange reason, my mother decided to plant some paddle cactus in the bed that went around the house.
One day, our cat wouldn’t come in when it was time for dinner. My mom told me to find her and bring her in. I found her in the bed under the cactus. I tried coaxing her out, but nothing was working. I finally crawled into the bed trying to reach the cat to pull her out. I inched forward, finally getting a hand on her leg. I stood up, pulling, then lost my balance and SAT on the cactus.
To say the whole neighborhood heard my screams is an understatement. My mom spent much of that evening with me in the bathroom, trying to pull out all the sharp spines of the cactus that were firmly lodged in my bottom. Needless to say, this is an indelible memory!
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, memories
cataddicctsanony-mouse – http://www.facebook.com/cat.addicts via Cindy Basnett Thurman
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor
Northwoods Casket Company
Filed under Joke of the Day
“A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. “Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?” “They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.” The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.” After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?” She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”
*Thanks to Marsha Koenig
Filed under Joke of the Day
Office on Women’s Health
“Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard-put to think of 7 advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally in desperation, just before the bell rang to end the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get to it. He got an A grade.”
*Thanks to a forward by Marsha Koenig
Filed under Joke of the Day
creativeartworksblog 