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Category Archives: Funny Signs – Humor
Joke of the Day 2
SmileTemplates.com
“A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.” Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.” A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid, make up your mind! I was supposed to get off 4 stops ago!”
*Thanks to Marsha Koenig for the forward.
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Joke of the Day
Joke of the Day
Jokes of the Day
“A doctor, whom an 80-year-old woman who had been consulting most of her life, has finally retired. At her next checkup, the young new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?” “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in my 16-year-old granddaughter’s glass of orange juice. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.” Gotta love grandmas!”
*Thanks to Marsha Koenig
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Joke of the Day
Running
KT Lyons Design via Stephanie Youmans Wilson
Filed under Attitude, Challenges, Changes, Favorite Quotes, Funny Signs - Humor
I Am an Award-Winning Procrastinator
GrammarlyCards via Cathy Ruggiero
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor
Genealogy
Rodney Dangerfield via keepinspiring.me
My husband is a genealogy buff. He worked for a long time researching and gathering information and then put everything on Family Treemaker. The company changed hands or something, causing us a large period of time with no support, but they came out with a new version not long ago.
My husband decided that he needed to organize things better, standardizing how names were listed in pictures, for example. He’s been working on that all last week and is still working on it now.
A disappointment is that I don’t know much of anything about my mother’s family. I asked her to sit down with me and tell me about her family. I told her I would make notes. She was always ‘too busy,’ and I wasn’t insistent enough. When she died, I found a whole cedar chest full of albums of pictures, NONE of which was labeled. I had NO idea who anyone was.
When the software has been updated (thanks to my husband’s good work) , I will be able to start with someone in our history and see all the pics and documents we have associated with them!
Filed under Family, Funny Signs - Humor
Nothing is Impossible
A.A. Milne via keepinspiring.me
Filed under Favorite Quotes, Funny Signs - Humor
“Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs…”
More Fruits from my art room –
I love making these signs. They are 6″x8″ hard wrapped canvas boards. I have fun with my Unicorn Spit paint, let them dry, spray them with fixative. Let them dry again. Then I print the saying on them. I’m going to take these to Rags & Roses Collective in Greenwood to put in the booth I share with my good friend, Carla.
“Attitude”
“Attitude to Spare”
“Not Lazy”
“Sarcasm”
“Nicer Person”
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, Lewis Art, playing in my art room, sass
Punnies 7
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though – he woke up
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves
The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction.
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, punny
Medical Punnies
*This was forwarded to me by my good friend, Marsha Koenig. (She got them from her brother.) She takes no credit for the ‘language,’ – nor do I – not sure about her brother. :0)
A Panel of Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lock down?
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the idea.
Anesthetists thought the whole concept was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes!
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, punny
Punnies 6
What did the ranch say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What do you call a girl with one leg that’s shorter than the other? Ilene.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.
What’s America’s favorite soda? Mini soda.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.
Filed under Funny Signs - Humor, punny
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