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“Gratitude paints little smiley faces on everything it touches.” —Richelle E. Goodrich
Boston University
“A simple smile. That’s the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others.” —Dalai Lama
Cheezburger
“My mom smiled at me. Her smile kind of hugged me.” ―R.J. Palacio, Wonder
Ecotek Green Living
“Everyone smiles in the same language.” —George Carlin
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
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Happiness come from within, and one of the things you need to know is that your happiness depends on shedding. Think of it as shedding like a sheep is sheared or like a dog with long, matted hair is cleaned up at the groomer’s. Getting rid of all that ‘weight’ is the first step to happiness.
When we moved to Chiang Mai, Thailand, a bit over a year ago to retire and live close to our grown son, we faced over 40 years of accumulation. We had a large house with attics, a basement, a full room pantry, a porch, a deck, books and collections filling every room, a room devoted to my art and supplies and business, a 2o x 40 foot fully-equipped shop, two vehicles not including riding mowers, and more. Getting rid of all that broke my heart – until I looked at it differently.
We met some new neighbors who were ‘creators’ who bought a lot of the equipment in our shop. The woman is an artist, and she bought a lot of my art supplies and equipment. A friend bought our truck. We gave her our new lawn mower because at one point she was kind enough to give us hers when we didn’t have the money to buy one. Best of all, these people opened their hearts and adopted our dog and cat – the hardest and most beautiful thing of all.
We had to pare things down to one suitcase and one backpack each to make the trip to Thailand. We left everything else behind. Everything. It was auctioned at pennies on the dollar – the yard critters we created from scrap metal, the sheet metal decorations for our mailbox , things listed for sale on Etsy – all of it.
I learned to see that as a freeing experience. We were too old and ill to take care of our place anymore, no matter how much we wanted to. We wanted to retire and live close to our son. Make a new start, live a healthier life, be able to see our son all the time. The fact that our son wanted us to do this meant the world. The fact that my husband agreed and was willing to try a totally new lifestyle still amazes me.
We lived in an air bnb here in the building where I now have my condo and Brian has his. As you know, my husband had a stroke two weeks after we arrived here and he is now in a nursing home. So that meant shedding all of the retirement plans we had made, as well, prioritizing finding a good place that would give our husband/dad the care he needed.
Once we got him in a place we could trust, we could concentrate on my moving into my condo, changing out a bunch of the furniture, arranging things, fixing others, etc. I am enjoying learning to take my time in creating my place. Each piece in here MEANS something to me or it goes. I have minimal supplies and equipment. All I need. I have learned that having a winter’s worth of something is no longer a priority. I get what I need. If I run out, I either get more or let it go. Having fewer things makes it much easier to keep things in place and make it easier for my housekeeper (!) to clean. I can find things easily, straighten things quickly, and look around taking pride in MY place.
I am learning to donate, recycle, or throw away, rather than store things ‘just in case,’ Donation is wonderful. I love the idea of someone else being able to make use of something I no longer need. Recycling is a money maker for the condo. If I can’t do either of those things, I get rid of it. I don’t make space for things I can’t prove to myself I need anymore.
I have learned to build my new life around things that bring me joy. I work jigsaw puzzles. I play on the computer. I read. I try to sketch things and then paint them. I write blog posts and love interacting with the people who take the time to read what I’ve written, like the post, or maybe even comment. I spend much of my day either writing or researching things to write about or share. I’m trying to re-learn to play the guitar and sing. Right now I can only play two chords and sound like a sick frog, but hey – I’m the only one listening. I love to listen to YouTube in the evenings before bed to wind down and to share the joy the newly discovered talents of the singing competition shows as the contestants are shown people LIKE what they are hearing.
I’m taking my health really seriously, having almost not had the chance to BE here a year ago. I now go to the gym every morning and walk a mile on the treadmill. I do either yoga stretches or exercises with water bottles in the afternoon. I do exercise videos or dance to heavy beat music on a haphazard basis. I take the stairs going down from Brian’s to my condo. I’m finally almost to my goal weight now and I want to continue to eat healthy meals, stay in my tiny allowance area of my weight, and build my strength, flexibility and balance.
I don’t ‘know what I’m doing.’ Like on the guitar, I’m playing this by ear. Doing what seems to me to be right for me now. I have a list of what makes me happy and am working to include as much of it as possible in my days.
I won’t tolerate ‘surface’ people anymore. I shed people when I find out that they don’t share my values. I’m talking about the really core issues that make us human. I treasure the wonderful people I have found in this life and try to tell and show them how very much they mean to me. I don’t play games trying to impress people anymore. I am who I am. What you see and hear and read is what you get. Real relationships are what is important to me now.
I do the best I can every day and have shed worrying about things I can’t control. Like the ‘do not disturb’ button on the phone, I hit the ‘don’t worry about this button’ in my mind.
I am happier with all the shedding of things, weight, old ideas and feelings, people who weren’t worth the bother, and things I couldn’t do anything about anyway. Nanea Hoffman says it succinctly and well. I am trying to live by her words.
Filed under Attitude
I can’t say enough about Nanea Hoffman. I always find something that resonates, that I needed to hear. This time I snorted when I got to the last line – “may your humor keep you out of jail.”
What she says is how I’m trying to live my life. I’m shedding everything possible that stands in the way of peace. There are things in life we HAVE to put up with, but we can get rid of a LOT of the things that annoy, frustrate, increase tension, and otherwise cause us constant grief. Getting rid of that feels so GOOD! Meditation and just sitting with my eyes closed feeling grateful is filling me up.
This is a great way to start a week, a month, a year – the rest of your life.
Filed under Attitude
It’s the celebration of a brand new year in Thailand – starting today, April 13th and officially lasting through Wednesday. April 15th. It’s a time of washing away negativity in all forms: bad things that happened in the past year, negative thoughts about people, losses – by cleaning houses and shops inside and out, cleaning the streets and sidewalks, sweeping and mopping away the past and preparing for a bright, shining clean new year. Also there is the hope for the rainy season to start soon, taking away the 100 degree + temperatures, the unhealthy haze caused by the farmers burning their fields in preparation for new planting, replacing the “hot and hazy” season with nourishing water that will make all the plants say a shared, “AHHHHHH!” in relief.
People are visiting temples, giving food to the monks, spending time with their families. It’s shedding the old problems and welcoming new chances for good things. Celebrations are everywhere in the form of people blasting water at each other with water guns, pouring water over people out of buckets, laughter in every spray and counter attack.
I thought that I would combine this wonderful celebration with a piece by Nanea Hoffman of Sweatpants and Coffee LLC – ‘Gentle Goals for a New Year’ that will help people everywhere embrace new opportunities to improve their lives in the coming year –
Filed under Attitude, Seasons/Holidays in Chiang Mai, Thailanf
Nanea Hoffman gets it. She knows what is important in life and is trying to spread the word. The fact that she does it artistically and with humor is an added benefit to the wisdom of her ideas.
I have essentially run from one thing to another nonstop for years, I kept a calendar to mark off the days until something happened, ignoring the days that came before or after. That started when Harvey and I started dating, back in 1492 when I was 14 and he was 17 – having just joined the Marines. I was in 9th grade and all I wanted to do was spend time with Harvey and share his life. I lived from one leave to another, holding my breath in-between, only stopping to watch the mailman at the end of the driveway. If there was a letter from Harvey, the kind man would raise the red flag on the mailbox. He would have gotten in trouble for doing that, but I STILL think of him fondly. If the flag went up, I would dash down to the end of the driveway to get the mail. If the flag wasn’t raised, the mail was ignored by me.
I ignored or wished away junior high, high school and college. We finally married when I was 22.
I took too much for granted, assuming people would always be there, not realizing how fragile life is. I thought people knew how I felt, and I was embarrassed to tell them how much they meant to me, how happy I was to know them, how much I admired them, and more. And then I began to finally wake up when the first was suddenly gone. No time to SAY or DO anything. JUST HURT. And there it was, even in their passing, I was reacting to how MY life would be changed, how much “I” would miss them…
It has taken me dying and having the blessing to have a second chance at life to try to fully implement what Nanea is telling us – Live in the PRESENT. Take the time to LISTEN and SEE what is going on around you. RECOGNIZE when someone is hurting or down and might appreciate a boost, a kind word, a gentle hug, a smile. a squeezed hand, a meeting of the eyes telling them you appreciate them NOW.
I notice how wonderful the bird song is in the mornings on the way to the gym. How another bush has burst into bloom. How wonderful the breeze feels before it gets hot. How NICE it is to be able to walk on the treadmill without losing my balance. How much better my body feels when I’m walking.
How it only takes a SECOND to thank my son for all he is doing for me. How happy I am that we took his advice, sold or gave away everything in Arkansas and joined him here in Thailand. How grateful I am that my husband’s stroke was HERE, rather than in AR where we would have been hard pressed to pay for any of what has happened or get him the care he needs.
We all have the chance to slow down and start noticing. It really doesn’t take that long. Just take the opportunity to NOTICE and BE. One change leads to another. Being grateful and happy is contagious. Will you join Nanea and me?
Filed under Attitude
Once again, Nanea Hoffman of Sweatpants and Coffee, LLC, has said something profound, something that speaks to me, that resonates way down inside me because I am in the middle of this, beginning to figure myself out.
For a combination of health reasons and realizing that we could no longer handle the lifestyle we were living in Arkansas, my husband and I and our grown son decided that we should officially fully retire, move to Thailand to be with our son, and start a new, non-stressful life here, focusing on rebuilding our health and starting life in a completely new country.
Two weeks after the move, my husband fell and suffered a stroke. He is now in a nursing home here. We have had to recognize that he will probably never get better. He is frail, bedridden, on a nasal feeding tube, and is hopelessly confused about who people are, what is real and more. We have made the conscious decision to concentrate on making each visit brighten his day, starting from wherever he is and trying to make him as comfortable as possible, communicate as best we can, and make sure he is getting the best of care.
I am living alone in the condo we were supposed to be sharing in the same building as our son. I’m trying to build a new life for myself while our son and I visit my husband twice a week. I’m trying to learn Thai phrases, learn about the history and the culture so that I can honor it, while interacting with the kind people here on a daily basis in my new home.
Our son is my rock. He is one of the best men I have ever known. He is concentrating on taking care of both of us while working full time, making all the changes in his life seem effortless. I cannot say enough about all he is doing, how much I depend on him, and what a joy it is to be interacting with him daily as adults, rather than mother and son. He is a joy to be with. He makes me laugh as no one else on the planet does, making my stomach hurt and causing me to beg him to stop so I can breathe! We are creating inside jokes, go everywhere together, text each other during the day as we carry on with our separate agendas, sharing meals, exercise, and our lives. It truly means the world to me.
In my beautiful, tiny, window-filled condo, I’m figuring myself out. I died twice on Feb. 11th a year ago, was brought back and given a pacemaker, along with a second chance at life in Arkansas, and my priorities are forever changed. I no longer plan for the future, living for the moment – truly IN the moment – savoring my feelings, my interest in learning new things, my joy in being able to finally fully retire, shaping my days around activities that bring me joy. I’m trying to cram every bit of joy into each day as possible, moving from one fun thing to another at my own speed.
I write a blog that has brought me joy and new friends for years. Continuing that is foremost in my new life here. I LOVE writing blog posts, striving to find things I hope my readers will enjoy. I love researching to find new things to share. A high point of my day is when people read my posts, hit ‘like’ or take the time to comment. Answering each comment is visiting with a friend.
I’m teaching myself to draw and then painting the sketches. I have a tiny art alcove where I can only have a few art things, so I’m concentrating on the sketches, trying to reproduce what I see. It’s a challenge, and yet pure enjoyment because I’m not under pressure to produce things for sale – I can just enjoy the challenge and then the joy of painting. No pressure, just pleasure.
I leave a jigsaw puzzle out that calls to me regularly. I can now have a puzzle table where I can leave it out, not bothering anyone. HOORAAAY! Right now I’m working on a gorgeous turtle who is hiding among the pieces, too shy to show himself.
I’m a voracious reader. I am always in the middle of another book on my Kindle. When we were in Arkansas, every room in our two story home was filled with actual books. Now I just have them on my Kindle, except for a few used books I find. I can carry my Kindle in my art backpack to the cafe where we go once a week. I sketch, read, and watch the amazing traffic go by the window as I enjoy an iced mocha…
There is more, but the point I am making is that the fact that I didn’t die a year ago, that I survived and moved with my husband to Thailand to start a new life. I am now trying to handle the fact that our retirement is totally different than what we planned, but I can now recognize there is plenty of room for joy in my life every day. These things show me I am worth the effort to figure it out. It is an ongoing process, subject to modifications as I grow and change, adapting to my new life in this fascinating place.
YOU are worth it, too. As Nanea so eloquently said, it’s ‘compassionate honesty’ and ‘kindness with boundaries.’ A time to figure out who you are and what you want in life. If you are happy, celebrate that every day. If you aren’t, start today to make changes that will shape your life into what you deserve.
Filed under Attitude
Jesica – Pinterest
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When hard things happen to us in life, it’s understandable to feel as if there will never be an end to the difficulty, problem, pain, depression, snow-balling effects and more. We want to crawl away somewhere, cover up our heads and simply hide to protect ourselves.
Jesica’s words here are profound. You might not be ready to read or hear them in the middle of what is happening, but her words are true. What you’re going through is awful, it hurts – maybe more than anything ever has before – but you WILL come out on the other side. There will be reasons to smile and even laugh again. You will find beautiful things that help, wonderful people, new hope for the future. IT. WILL. COME.
My personal example is that we had our daughter, Jade, after trying to have children for a LONG time. I had two miscarriages, then we had our son, Brian, and then another miscarriage, and finally our beautiful Jade when our Brian was two years old.
To make a long story shorter, while I out taking a community class and my husband, Harvey was babysitting, our Sweet Jade died. It was concluded by the coroner that Jade died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
Our pain was so great we both seriously considered suicide. Seriously. Neither of us could handle the intense loss, the huge hole in our family, our son’s understandable upset.
Finally, we realized that the reason we had to go on was to help each other deal with the loss. We had a wonderful son to raise. We needed each other.
The thing we learned is that even when a cannonball has gone through you at point blank range, there is SOMETHING way down deep inside that gives you the strength to go on. It’s a step by step, very gradual process, but it is there and it will show itself.
In our case, the pain remains. The mystery as to what kind of a young woman Jade would have become, what she would have wanted to do with her life, remain, never to be answered. I think of her often, but more as to a lost opportunity to have known and loved her as she grew, rather than only my personal loss.
We had new chapters open up as the time passed, culminating in our move to Thailand to be close to our son. Being apart from him, even though he’s a really good communicator, was a big part of my life. Being able to get to know him as an adult now on a day to day basis is one of the best gifts I have ever had. It’s so much fun being with him. He makes me laugh until my stomach hurts and I have to beg him to stop. We’ve begun to tease each other unmercifully, an act of friends, not mother and son. He gives the best hugs on the planet and I now get them several times a day. We help each other with the emotions of trying to help my husband in the nursing home the best way we can. We are stronger together as a team.
Life is chapters in a book, according to Jesica. I think it’s helpful to look at it that way. Some chapters will be hard, will make us cry, will make us redefine what our priorities are, but the following chapters will give us new reasons to enjoy all that we have.
Filed under Attitude, Challenges
All Pro Dad
“I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful – for all of it.” ~ Kristin Armstrong
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I am trying to shed my selfishness. How in the world could a now 79-year-old woman still need to TRY to shed selfishness? It’s easy. I think we ALL have a tendency to think about ourselves, what we think, what we feel, before we think of others, no matter how hard we try not to.
I have 3 recent or ongoing examples:
I gradually accepted that she was gone, and with that, finally let other feelings flow through, like the fact that I was SO happy that her suffering was over. That I should celebrate our friendship for the incredibly wonderful, rare thing it was, and smile remembering how much we gave each other. That her creativity, resilience, and kindness will live as her legacy.
Beauty for Ashes – Pinterest
Curiano.Tumbler.com – Pinterest
This is one I continue to work on. I finally put on my big girl panties and realized this is NOT. ABOUT. ME.
I consciously try to leave my expectations at home when we go to visit. I go with the wish that we bring something to Harvey each visit. Maybe we can make our visit something that brightens his day a little. Maybe he can feel that we are on each side of the bed, holding his hands. Maybe we will ask something that ignites a spark in him. Maybe he will like what we brought him, whether a book, a photo or two on the phone, some news about what we’re doing, something that happened, something we’re hoping for. Maybe we spark a pleasant memory for him. Maybe he feels loved when we hug and kiss him when we come and when we leave. Maybe he will enjoy the pie or drink we brought. Maybe his feet are cold and we can put on his socks for him, adjust his pillows or comforter…
“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.”
― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
3. The last one is when we are coming home from visiting Harvey. We sit outside the nursing home waiting for our Grab ride to pick us up. My son Brian looks at me and asks if I’m all right. We get in the Grab and he holds my hand all the way home (40 minutes.) He arranges for the Grab to stop at our favorite chocolate place so we can share our feelings about how Harvey was today while we share chocolate drinks and enjoy the baby koi fish the shop just added to the outside. Again he reaches for my hands and asks if I’m all right.
Instead of quietly letting the tears roll in the Grab, I’m finally realizing that I am NOT the only one hurting here. I’m not the only one who feels depressed. And yet my son is trying to calm me down, do something nice for me to try to cheer me up, is taking care of his MOM, as well as his dad, hiding his feelings mostly.
I’m making a point of finding the good in each visit. I’m thinking of those things in the Grab, smiling at Brian and assuring him I AM doing fine. That I love going to the chocolate place with him and that he would think to do that. I hug him tight, thank him for all he is doing for both of us, and wait until I am alone in my own place before any more tears fall, if still necessary. Since I’m changing my thinking, usually this is a thing of the past.
Attitude is all. We are all human, and it’s understandable that we think of how things will affect us. We are, after all, the center of our own universe and we need to be honest with ourselves, own our feelings and realize that we are not okay all of the time. But we can make ourselves better, and also those around us, if we stand back and change our perspective to the fact that how we think about the OTHERS around us can make us grow.
Filed under Attitude
Seniv Petro – Freepik
“None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.”
― Nanea Hoffman. Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
I love the wisdom of this woman. Her quotes and her drawings really resonate with me, making me nod in agreement, open my mouth in an “Ah hah!” moment, smile with recognition, identify with a kindred soul, and much more. What a wise, delightful woman she is!
This quote describes my life since shortly before we left the States to move to Thailand to be close to our son. I previously spent SO much time missing him. He was SO far away in Thailand. Too far to ask him to come home just for a visit. I was grateful that he was such a good communicator. We used a chat program he set up for us that was secure and we could reach each other quickly, with both of us being conscientious about checking for messages. If we got particularly lonely, we had another program similar to FaceTime, where we could visit in real time, seeing each other. I lived for those times, loving to see him smile, trying to make him laugh.
Now I see him several times each day. We tease each other unmercifully about various things, having inside jokes where we both start laughing with just a look, being able to hold hands when we walk somewhere, sharing meals every day, visiting my husband in the nursing home 3 times a week, giving each other strength when we need it.
I have shed most of our possessions of the last 40 or so years. We could only bring one suitcase each and a backpack when we moved. With the shedding of ‘things,’ I also shed ideas, plans, and lifestyle in the move. Our plans for a future of shared retirement flew out the window with my husband’s stroke 2 weeks after we moved and his subsequent move from the hospital to a nursing home we found. Now our priority is to make sure he knows he is loved in every way we can, make sure he is as calm and comfortable as possible, and make sure he is getting the best care we can provide. All else fades.
I am learning to embrace my new life here in Thailand. I’m making some new friends, learning the customs of the Thai people, slowing learning a few key phrases, learning how to get around, eating new foods, and more. To move from a town of 9000 to a city of 1.2 MILLION is quite a change! New priorities for me personally are to finally get to a weight I want to maintain, be as healthy and strong as possible, and to enjoy the life I have here to the fullest. I am finally less worried about the 4 lbs I have left to lose. No one cares but ME whether I ever get to my goal or not. In the meantime, I’m watching my portions, but I’m no longer putting off drinking the cold chocolate drinks I absolutely love or my iced mochas in the afternoon. When someone wants to eat something not previously on my list, I smile and enjoy every bite, including the pastries my son brought for us to share on my birthday.
I’m trying to reach out to the people who mean something to me and TELL THEM how special they are and how rich my life is because of their presence. It doesn’t matter if they are here in Thailand, across the world in the States, on the Internet – I want them to know how I feel.
I don’t worry about looking silly, being old, looking very similar to a Shar Pei dog with all the wrinkles on top of wrinkles. I embrace the fact that there are now stores I can walk into and find things I can wear for the first time in two years or more! I fill my days with things I love, many times with a big grin across my face. I am retired. I no longer do what I don’t want to do – other than things I might end up in the slammer for…
I’m enjoying being spoiled here. I have massages, have a housekeeper, take my clothes to the laundry, my son orders meals for us delivered here and all I have to do is go up and share them. I get haircuts, mani/pedis, and Brian will take me shopping to find things I need or things that are fun to put in my place. I love my life now, living by myself for the first time EVER. Nanea’s quote describes my new life perfectly. I hope more people take her wise advice.
Filed under Attitude
“This song “I Am Not Okay” by Jelly Roll, and another one, “It’s Okay Not to be Okay” by Demi Lovato have brought out the issue, and it’s way overdue.
When we are not okay, we may express it in many ways – getting quiet, stuffing our feelings inside, avoiding other people, trying to make the pain go away by dulling it with drugs or alcohol, even doing violence to ourselves or others.
These songs are telling us that the artists have been there, done that, felt the same way and have emerged from that feeling, with at least the hope that things will get better.
What can we do when we are not okay?
The most important thing is to acknowledge your feelings. Own them. Until you face your feelings head on, there is no getting better. If you have some really good friends, tell them how you are feeling. Sit somewhere, close your eyes, and acknowledge how you feel. You may cry. That’s okay, too. Let it out as much as you can. Some people write their feelings down.
When you have acknowledged how you feel, recognize the source(s) of those feelings. It may be something from your past that you are carrying around with you. It may be that you lost someone you love, a relationship may have shattered. You may have lost an opportunity you were hoping for.
I had been carrying around some hurtful things for years. One example was that my older brother told my mother that I was “not worth knowing.” I felt “less than” for years – in fact until my brother died. I was finally able to work through my feelings and realize that what he thought about me had actually worked to my advantage. His opinion made me strive harder, though not to please HIM or change his opinion of me, but to feel good about my efforts in whatever I was trying to do. I was able to let go of a hurtful thing, realizing that this was waaaaaay in the past and actually was a good thing.
Things in the present are more difficult. I have felt ‘not okay’ about the fact that my husband and I thought we were moving to Thailand to retire, get out from under the onerous responsibilities we had in Arkansas, live the good life and be able to live close to our grown son. Now my husband is in a nursing home, totally incapacitated, with our main thought to show him he is loved, make sure he is as calm and comfortable as possible, and make sure he is getting the care he needs.
After acknowledging my feelings, I am working my way through this by living in the moment now. I don’t make plans anymore. I live one day at a time, wringing as much joy out of the day as I can, moving from one fun thing to another, learning, varying my activities, concentrating on getting as healthy as possible, enjoying every minute I have with our son.
If you’re not okay, decide if it’s something that you can do something about. Can you look at it differently, causing you to see it in a different light? Can you talk about it to someone else, or would you rather work through the feelings by yourself?
If you can’t change something, then acknowledge that. Really understand and believe that. If it’s possible, put it in a place where it doesn’t stare you in the face anymore – a kind of ‘shelf’ in your mind you don’t look at often, if at all.
If you CAN change it, figure out what you need to do to do that. It may take many steps to solve. Write them down, starting with the most important or time-sensitive thing first. Then work your way down the list. Don’t be afraid to ask for help for this. We all need help from time to time. When you are feeling better, you can pay it forward for someone else.
Realize it’s okay not to feel okay. I am practicing this in a very small way by NOT giving a knee-jerk answer when my son asks, “Are you okay?” Up until now he has followed my “I’m doing fine” with his now famous, “Fur real?” I’m making it a point to tell him when I’m not okay, in as brief a manner as possible, what specifically is bothering me. Many times, we sit and talk about it, and I feel better just having been truthful with him. We are communicating better, understanding each other better every day.
The end of Jelly Roll’s song says something like, “I’m not okay, but it’s all gonna be all right.”
Filed under Attitude
A lot of us make promises to ourselves at the start of each year to do a whole list of things we feel we ‘should’ be doing to make ourselves ‘better.’ And we honestly mean those promises, but somehow life gets in the way and….
Dying twice a year ago in February and having been given a 2nd chance at life with a pacemaker, plus pulling up stakes in the States and moving to Thailand to retire and live close to our son, only to have my husband suffer a stroke and be confined to a nursing home now, changes how I look at life.
I agree with this quote completely. Small steps – even only one – bring about the most lasting change. Mine is living in the moment. Really being present, noticing the little things that make my life beautiful, appreciating the people who mean the world to me, being grateful to wring every drop of joy out of each moment that I can, have completely changed my life
Getting to see the blood moon this morning, if only for a minute or two, feeling good enough to walk my mile on the treadmill, being happy when a friend waved at me at the gym, how good my shower felt, sharing breakfast with my son, writing posts for my blog and answering comments that readers leave, communicating with friends from the states, painting thank you cards for my housekeeper, enjoying an iced mocha my son ordered for me….
You take one small step and the rest ripples from that. When you’re aware of all you have, the gratefulness and happiness simply wells up inside and spills out all over.
My life is forever changed. I will live in the moment, cherishing the good I have found. What one small step will YOU take?
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants & Coffee LLC
This one sentence describes the way I feel right now perfectly.
My heart feels so full I find it difficult to type. My son is trying to teach me to meditate, thinking of a thing I’m thankful for, closing my eyes, feet flat on the floor, FEELING that gratitude flow through me.
That is what I felt just now when I found this. Overwhelming gratitude that
We are all in this world together, helping each other the best way we can with what we have at the time, knowing there is care and love behind it. May we make our world a kinder place with everyone feeling as happy as I do right now.
Filed under Attitude
Glenda Balint Powell
She is one of the few women I have known in my life who have actually, completely retired.
She and her husband Steve married, had SIX kids, and both held down full-time jobs; she taught elementary school music and speech, and he taught elementary physical education and was a swimming coach at the high school.
They both worked hard, but Glenda (or Jodi as Steve called her) worked harder. She did all the shopping, errands, doctor appointments, after school stuff her kids were in, made meals three times a day, every day, for 8 (packing lunches for everyone every school day.) She had no help for cleaning the house, kept all the clothes clean, etc. She worked from before the sun came up till way past bedtime to keep up with everything.
I became close to the family because Steve was my 6th grade gym teacher, and then I taught swimming with him every summer from the time I was 14 until I graduated from college.
They went to Lake Tenkiller in Oklahoma each weekend to rest, relax, and teach the kids to water ski. They put all the kids through college, supporting them in whatever they wanted to do.
When the children were out of school and the house, Jodi and Steve bought a piece of land right on the lake and went every weekend to build a home there. This took several years. They did as much of the work themselves as they could, hiring experts when necessary.
They finally sold their home in Tulsa and moved to the house at the lake. And Jodi announced she was going to retire.
This meant, for one thing, she was no longer going to cook unless she really wanted to. In the mornings, for lunch, and for dinner, if the weather was amenable, they would get into their small boat tied up at the dock by their house and motor across the lake to the diner that unofficially reserved “their table.” She and Steve would divide up the household chores and they would do the shopping together.
They invited us to see the house after they had been settled for awhile. I have to tell you I was shocked by Steve’s appearance. He was wearing actual clothes, not the swimming trunks he wore for years when I knew him best. And he had hair! Long white really great-looking hair! He had always shaved his head while he was teaching gym, swimming and coaching because it was simpler. I had trouble grasping the idea of a “new” Steve. And both of them looked relaxed and happy.
The house was really nice, a great combination of “sturdy” and “open to nature” to enjoy the location. Steve had made a humongous flower garden where Jodi raised every color imaginable of zinnias, her favorite flower. It was the prettiest display I’ve ever seen. We took the boat across the lake to share lunch with them. It was a delightful day, topped off by a bottle of zinnias Jodi had gathered and put on the floor of our car while Steve was showing us what he was working on.
Both Steve and Jodi are gone now. Jodi married a man whose last name was Powell. We went to the wedding – a combination of Jodi’s 8 kids, and a slew of Powell kids, as well, all having parts in the wedding as they combined their two households. Jodi looked radiant, with a ring of flowers in her hair.
Jodi is my role model of the way it could – and should be – at retirement. Most women shed their full time jobs outside the home, but continue cleaning the house, washing the clothes, cooking the meals, doing yard work, helping the husband with whatever he is doing – all the stuff she had done for years. It can be better.
In my personal life, I’m actually retired. The fact that my Harvey is in a nursing home is the cause of some of this, but after cooking 3 meals a day for over 56 years, packing lunches for work and school, Brian and I have something delivered for breakfast and dinner. We can cook if we want to, but it’s easy and quite inexpensive to order and just go downstairs to pick it up. I have the first housekeeper I have ever had in my life. I get massages every Friday. I get mani/pedi’s and haircuts. I choose what to do with my days.
I hope Jodi is smiling at me and cheering me own as she looks down at me.
Filed under Attitude
Redbubble.com
“The World Is Too Much With Us” is a sonnet by the English Romantic poet William Wordsworth. In it, Wordsworth criticises the world of the First Industrial Revolution for being absorbed in materialism and distancing itself from nature.
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But we can feel that the world is too much with us at any time. It can be overwhelming, swamping us with feelings of sadness, frustration, even anger at what is going on around us, feeling helpless to really do anything about it.
Imagination can be a survival skill when we feel this way. You can create a whole world inside your head, draw something, or write something taking you away mentally and emotionally from what is distressing and bringing you a feeling of calm. In this imaginary world, you are in control. You can have anything happen. You can color your world any color. Only good things can happen there. Ahhhhh!
Things that can inspire you to imagine are
When the world is too much with you, change the way you look at things by indulging yourself for at least a few minutes, bringing your emotions down to Earth, your breathing back to normal, loosen your tense muscles.
Imagination can take you anywhere. Don’t forget you have this weapon against reality.
Filed under Attitude
“Open Wings” – cottage whimsey quotes – Substack
I just love this! AND – I AM DOING IT in my life now.
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There is a whole list of things that I have always done, or thought I “should” be doing – that remained on my list – either a physical list or a mental list lurking in my head that attacked me when I was most vulnerable.
I would put these things off, telling myself I would do them at a later time, ‘when I felt better,’ ‘when I got to a certain weight’ ‘when my other things were done,’ and ‘at the first of the week/month/year…’
I brought procrastination to an art form. I should have received awards.
My husband has always described me as, “Mean as a snake.” (He has lived with me for over 56 years so far, so he must really LIKE snakes….) – but, like a snake, I’m shedding procrastination. If I don’t really HAVE to do something because if I don’t, I’ll –
I simply have decided NOT TO DO IT. No excuses, either. If someone asks me, I just say, “no,” as kindly as possible with the one word. No explanations.
Since I have received a second chance at life, having a pacemaker installed when my heart stopped twice a year ago February 11th, I am living totally differently, embracing the things that mean the world to me and shedding things that don’t.
It’s quite freeing. You feel a huge weight sliding from your shoulders, allowing you to take deep breaths and relax.
Will you join me?
Filed under Attitude
Quiet Wisdom-Substack
The combination of having a health crisis in Arkansas a year ago this month, retiring and moving to Thailand to be close to our son, and then my husband having a stroke and ending up in a nursing home here has upended what I used to think was important, played ‘fruit-basket-upset’ with our plans for the future, and changed my life forever.
I’ve had good friends say that this is a lot to deal with, and that’s true, but that’s not what is important. It’s what I’ve LEARNED that’s important.
My priorities have completely changed. Now the most important thing in my life is making sure that my husband is as comfortable as possible and that he knows he is loved, whether he is able to receive it totally or not. I want to be sure that what I know he wanted and didn’t want for life, for aging, for treatment, and for end of life are honored, whether the doctors or other care givers agree or not. I will be there to make sure the man I have spent a lifetime loving gets what he wants as much as possible.
The fact that I am now living alone for the first time in my life is a bit daunting, but it’s delightful in surprising ways. I am able to decorate my place so it is pleasing to me. I can arrange my free time as I like moving from one thing that brings me joy to another. I can leave my puzzle out on the puzzle table for the first time in years. I can devote a whole alcove to drawing and painting. I have a computer set up that is functional and set up to meet my needs. I can watch whatever I would like on TV, wearing headphones so I don’t bother anyone.
Being given the gift of a 2nd chance at life a year ago February 11th has made me rethink excuse making – a thing I had brought to an art form. I was overweight for years, hated exercise, loved the wrong foods, didn’t put limits on what or how much I ate – the list goes on. Now that I am still here, I want to do a better job. I want to do as much as I reasonably can to take care of this old, wrinkled body that closely resembles a Shar Pei dog – but not as cute – as much as I can. I want to finally get down to a weight I want to maintain. I want to do various exercises that help me improve my balance, flexibility, stamina, strength, and more. No more excuses. I will just do it EVERY DAY.
I am mindful of all I have and grateful. I see so many good things I can’t count them all. The more I see and acknowledge, the more I have. Each evening I sit for a few minutes just thinking about the wonderful 2nd chance at life I have been given. My list now grows and grows, but suffice to say that I am simply flooded with gratitude and joy.
Filed under Attitude, Challenges
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
I am replacing my former endless, mind-boggling, overwhelming to do lists from my past with this one.
Even thinking about taking time today to do these things makes joy start bubbling up inside me.
Please consider joining me in throwing out the old and welcoming the new. I guarantee we will be happier for it.
Filed under Attitude
One year ago I died twice in the ER in Arkansas. I had gone there at the insistance of one of the clinic doctors who was checking my husband and me for the flu. It turned out that my husband had Flu A and pneumonia. I had Flu A, bronchitis, and low blood oxygen. It was for the latter that the doc insisted I go to the ER. My husband was too sick to take me, so my good friend Carla took me.
That night my heart stopped twice. I woke up to see nurses standing around my bed asking if I was all right. I didn’t know what they were talking about, so they filled me in that I had to be brought back to life twice, and that the heart doctors were going to install a temporary pacemaker. They did, and then 3 days later, they installed a permanent one.
I have decided to start celebrating an “extra” birthday on February 11th each year, celebrating my 2nd chance at life. Today I’m celebrating by getting a mani/pedi. My son, Brian, wants me to color my nails ‘blue’ or ‘cyan’ again, but I think I’m going to go for purple. I’m enjoying getting to experiment and having something different each time!
Brian is making an appointment to get my pacemaker checked, and I have a routine appointment with my regular doctor on the 17th, so I’ll be all ready for a brand new year!
iStock
Dying changes your perspective on things. It makes you so very grateful for all you have. It also allows you to shed a lot of things that you didn’t need to be carrying around with you. You look at life differently – forgiving yourself for not being perfect. You begin to accept a lot of things you used to get upset about, realizing that there are many things you can’t change, and that the world will go on with or without you. You learn to cherish all the beautiful things and people around you and hold them close. You make a commitment to enjoy yourself more, to concentrate on all that brings you joy. You shed whatever you can, simplifying your life down to the essentials. You change your priorities and learn not to be pressured. You smile more. You FEEL the happiness flow through you. You take the time to rest and breathe, drinking in the wonder of it all.
It has made ME more aware of my health and more committed to treating my body the very best way I can. That means paying more attention to what and how much I’m eating. I’m actually allowing myself some things I had given up in my quest to lose weight. Oddly, enough, that change – particularly going to twice a day eating and portion control – has made the difference on almost reaching goal on which I have been working for over two years now. I am exercising every day – at the gym and again at home – to improve my strength, balance, flexibility and more.
I am committed to joy, for myself and others. I realize how the happiness just spills out of me since I began making time for the things I love. Not just allowing myself a taste now and then, but embracing it and making it the priority of whatever life remains. My cheeks hurt at the end of the day from grinning from ear to ear.
I want you to know (the wisdom of a one-year-old) that you need not die in order to learn and practice this. You learn to practice it in little steps at first – maybe 15 minutes on your lunch break or one of the last things you do at night before bed, and then expand on it.
Give yourself this gift. Maybe even declare a 2nd birthday on the day you start!
Filed under Attitude
Open Wings – Cottage Whimsey Quotes – Substack
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I have vague memories of being bored when I was a child, but that’s the last time I ever had that feeling. When I was working full time, being a wife and mother, animal caretaker, and housekeeper, I didn’t have time to be bored. I was too busy trying to keep my head above water.
When I was semi-retired, I was trying to carve out time to spend in my art room, where I could learn new techniques, trying to make more things to list on my own website, Creative Artworks, for years, and then Etsy. During that time, I was also trying to get Square Foot Gardening to work, including building and maintaining a greenhouse, learning to mix up soil alternative, keeping the plants fed, weeded and watered, etc., then harvesting our ‘crop.’ I was also taking over more and more of the yardwork, plus taking over things my husband had formerly done, such as programming the automatic watering systems in the well house.
With our full retirement and move to Thailand, I can honestly say that I never have enough time and energy to accomplish what I would like to do on a given day. I’m NEVER bored.
I move from one fun thing or chore to another, trying to vary sedentary stuff with movement, and purely joyful stuff with more challenging things. I try to keep a good mix and just keep going until I’m out of time or energy, call it a day, and then start again where I left off the next day.
I guess curiosity is at the base of not being bored. I love playing on the c0mputer, trying to find out answers to my questions or find things I want to share. I was planning to paint one of my sketches today, but I’m also needing to put in some time super stretching to get rid of some painful muscles in my back. I only have about an hour to do both, plus get my dry things gathered off my balcony. And my poor puzzle awaits – neglected.
Being enthusiastic about being in a country new to me, with customs to learn, finding out what’s happening each month and deciding which to try to participate in, trying to learn phrases in a new language, and more is a full time activity by itself.
I hope y0u never lose your curiosity and enthusiasm for the life you have. There is only so much time to try to cram joy into your life. You need to be conscientious about it or the day will pass and you won’t be able to savor one thing that made you smile.
Filed under Attitude
“Embrace the glorious mess that you are, for therein lies your unique joy.”
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My mother-in-law was the perfect role model for being happy. When she and my father-in-law were riding with us to their new home at the Assisted Living Center in Tulsa, I asked her how she felt about the move.
She said, “I love it.” Surprised, I asked her how she felt that when she hadn’t really seen it thoroughly, met anyone…. She answered, “I’m going to love it. I’m going to make my room my own. I’m going to make friends. I’m going to love the food, the activities – everything!”
My mother would have described it by saying, “Attitude is all.”
You don’t ‘find’ happiness, Other people can’t provide it for you. You can’t strive for it, search for it, yearn for it. IT COMES FROM INSIDE YOU.
Some of unhappiest people have a lot of money, houses, cars, THINGS surrounding them and they still aren’t ‘happy. Others ask others to provide it for them – they get married, have kids, get a good job, and they aren’t ‘happy.’
Happiness is a conscious decision to be happy. That probably sounds dumb, but I believe it’s true. It’s all in how how you look at yourself, your situation, your life.
To be happy, start by accepting yourself. Yeah, you might need to lose some weight, maybe you wish your nose was shorter or had a cute upturn. Maybe your clothes would fit better if you were thinner and taller. Maybe…
Accept yourself and your uniqueness, perceived flaws, wishes, and all. You are YOU. You have a unique place in the world. You have people who like you, maybe even love you. If you really want to change something, you have the ability to do that. Concentrate on the people around you who give you joy. Happiness is being kind to the people you care about first, letting them know how much they mean to you, how much you appreciate them and are glad you are that they are in your life.
Happiness is recognizing all you have and being grateful. Be happy with less. Simplify. Realize how rich you are with what you have now. Give away things you don’t really need, haven’t used in ages, don’t really mean something to you. Take the time to think about all the things you have, the fact that you have something to eat, a place to sleep, maybe even a person or pet to cuddle with.
Happiness is learning to adjust to what is happening around you, whether at your job, in your family, or in the world. If what is happening is making you upset, angry, scared – really think about whether you can do anything about it. If you can, make concrete plans to do one thing at a time to improve the situation, If there is nothing you can really do about it, accept it for what it is, then try to ignore it, if possible, distract yourself by filling your life with things that give you pleasure, make you smile.
Happiness is accepting that you, things around you, aren’t perfect and never will be. They don’t have to be in order for you to decide to be happy. Accepting what is true, being grateful for what you have, consciously deciding how to change things you can and work around things you can’t, all point to ‘deciding to be happy,’ and building an attitude of positivity.
It doesn’t change overnight. It’s a constant series of conscious, positive actions that result in your feeling better, smiling more, enjoying life more.
We are all ‘glorious messes.’ Isn’t that wonderful?
Filed under Attitude
Elizabeth George
“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.” ~ Will Rogers
“Yesterday” can be a source of beautiful memories of cherished people in your life, wonderful experiences, and joy. It can also be the source of feelings that limit you in your life today.
We hold onto yesterday as an excuse for why we haven’t accomplished something, pointing to failures, harsh criticism from others, humiliation, self-doubt and more. We cram hurt feelings way down deep inside that squash our self-esteem, make us shy away from opening ourselves to love, trust, and putting ourselves out there once again to try something new.
I think we all have a bucketload of these yesterdays that we need to shed in order to live our present lives to the fullest. I’m suggesting that we all dig deep, look at these things, realizing that yesterday cannot be changed. We can build a stronger, fuller happier TODAY by letting all of that go.
This really speaks to me now. My life has changed completely since last February when I died twice in the hospital and was given a second chance via surgeons and a pacemaker when my heart stopped. I had never had heart problems before, but would have been gone if I hadn’t heeded the strong recommendation that I head for the ER after I saw my clinic doctor.
Our son flew 24 hours from Thailand to take care of my husband and me when we were suddenly too ill to take care of each other. We had to face some harsh realities in Arkansas, where we had lived for almost 40 years. We couldn’t take care of our home, 8 acres, and our pets anymore. We made the decision to get rid of everything in the States and move to Thailand to be close to our son. We would retire, rebuild our health, shed the responsibilities we had been shouldering, and concentrate on enjoying life. Leaving 40 years worth of my art and our ‘stuff’ was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done. Re-homing our pets was the hardest, but we found the perfect homes for our dog and cat, and so could leave knowing they would be loved and well taken care of.
2 weeks after we moved here, my husband fell and had a stroke. He is now in a nursing home, completely disabled with a damaged brain. Unless we have a miracle, he won’t be able to leave the nursing home. Thankfully, we have found a truly wonderful place with caring people. We visit my husband 3 times a week now, rather than sharing the retirement we planned.
I am in a new country, living by myself for the first time in my life, trying to learn some Thai phrases, learn about the money, learn the customs here, learn how to get the basics done, grateful that our son is here to help both of us.
I am learning to embrace TODAY. Yesterday is full of some wonderful memories, but NOW is what is important. What used to be doesn’t apply. I have some wonderful opportunities to shape a life that makes me smile all day long, moving from one fun activity to the next, learning new things every day, rebuilding my health.
http://www.powerofpositivity.com
I am concentrating on living my life to the fullest, making each day count, concentrating on what is WONDERFUL about my life now, grateful for all I have.
Yesterday is gone. I don’t make ‘plans’ anymore, embracing NOW. I am feeling stronger for it, concentrating on being the best person I can be TODAY.
Filed under Attitude
“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot ― it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” ― Maya Angelou
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The most common New Year’s resolution for 2026 is exercising more. Other popular resolutions include being happy, eating healthier, saving more money, and improving physical health. ~ Dec 23, 2568 BE ~ GoSkills
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Every year we make lists of what we want to do to make ourselves ‘better people.’ And, most of the time, after a short period of time, our good intentions fade and we end up feeling bad about ourselves, doubting our self-worth.
STOP making lists of New Year’s resolutions. Just STOP.
Only make ONE – Take the time to really think about your life and what you want from it. (Of course, it would be good if you did things to make yourself healthier – and, as a lady who died twice in the hospital on Feb. 11th last year, getting healthier has been one of my main goals – since if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get the CHANCE to keep any other promises to myself.)
In my second chance at life, I want to share Maya Angelou’s quote with you, and I want you to really think about what she is telling us. She is encouraging us to find the positive in life and embrace it. This means shedding all the negative stuff we see, read, and hear on a daily basis about what is happening in the world. It also means looking at things happening in our own personal worlds that are frustrating us, making us angry, scaring us, depressing us – with different eyes.
Some of these things we can do something about. (I ask myself two things: (1) what is the worst thing that can happen as a result of this? and (2) if I ignore this, will it still be a problem in 5 years?) My mom had a saying, “It’s better to do any reasonable thing quickly, than to reach hesitantly for the ideal.”
If I can’t do anything about it, I get busy with other things, consciously thinking about something else to see what happens. What is the point of worrying, over-eating, drinking to forget, stewing about it as it revolves around and around in my head if I can’t solve the problem?
Take time each and every day to think about all the POSITIVE things in your life. This is NOT Pollyanna-ish, this is a survival skill. If you need to at first, write them down as you think of each. Don’t worry about the importance of each. Just be aware of each of them. When you recognize the positives, make only one promise to yourself: “I will recognize all the good, tell others about them, make them the priority of my life, building my life so that I can embrace each thing.” This will result in less tension, acceptance that you cannot control everything, feelings of being grateful for all the things that are wonderful, and encouraging you to create MORE.
Reminder: You are unique. You have experiences and memories that have shaped you. You can use your experiences to learn to see things in different ways, to solve your problems and those of others. You have strength inside you that will get you through life’s challenges. You carry the survival skills of love, appreciation, gratitude, and laughter within you. Embrace the person that is you.
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
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This is the only ‘to do’ list I will ever have anymore. I’ve spent my life completely overwhelmed by endless lists that never got accomplished, no matter how long or hard I tried. The weight of them sapped my strength and I promised myself that as soon as I finished, “______” I would take some time to do something I enjoyed. That time rarely, if ever, came. I felt guilty when I took time with my art. I gave up jigsaw puzzles. I read for pleasure, but only after a reasonable number of things had been marked off for the day.
I loved my life in Arkansas. We had a beautiful home we had built in 1987. We had planned to have an earth-sheltered home, with only a cupola above ground. We found 8 acres of woodland on top of a ridge line that faced the south, perfect for our desires, and had FHA approved plans in hand. We couldn’t find ANY builders who would take up the project, though, due to all the rock on our land. We finally found a plan above ground we could live with. We had to use dynamite to put in a septic system, more dynamite for the basement, and even more for the backyard swimming pool. (We ran out of money for the pool, so it just remained a fond dream.)
We couldn’t afford to hire much done, and we both worked in Ft. Smith, so it was tough to get things done. Our time outside of work was raising our son, who kept us hopping – bright, eager, curious, and full of mischief, plus taking care of the house, our ‘yard,’ and our pets, running errands, doing chores…
By the time we moved to Thailand last April, it had become impossible for us to keep up with everything, though we gave it our best shot. It was a bittersweet ‘relief’ to sell what we could, auction the rest, re-home our beloved pets, and walk away.
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Now, in Thailand, with my husband in a nursing home due to a fall and stroke 2 weeks after we arrived, I have given up the traditional list of chores in favor of Nanea Hoffman’s list above. I am SO much happier for it. I find joy each and every day in small things – things I see, like a squirrel in the tree right outside my window –
to the bird standing on someone’s a/c unit out one of my front windows –
to the ‘decision’ of whether I want to research for more blog posts, start painting one of my sketches, read another chapter in my latest book, work on my ‘turtle’ jigsaw puzzle, do an exercise session, or take a walk around the block, enjoying the sunshine…
I’m listening to my body. I’m trying to get healthier. I’m feeling better now than I have felt in a long time. The kindness of the Thai people makes my eyes fill up. I’m getting a lot of practice saying, “thank you,” (sounds like “cawp coon ka’-ah”)
I know you’re busy and probably are saying to yourself – “good enough for HER. She’s retired now, doesn’t have to work all day, take care of the house and kids, only cooks when she wants to – while “I’M” buried alive in ‘have-to’s…”
I HEAR YOU. I’ve been there and I REALLY do hear you. But I hope that you can give yourself permission to allow yourself time at the beginning or end of the day – maybe on a lunch break or even while taking a quick shower – to FEEL. To listen to yourself and just acknowledge what you’re feeling right then. BREATHE. RELAX. And take the time to plan 15 minutes a day when you can do something that makes you smile – even giggle. I hope that one day you can adopt Nanea’s list as I have. You deserve it.
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
I think we all feel overwhelmed by what’s happening in our own lives, to people we love, to our country and the world beyond – most of it things we can do little or nothing about.
We feel useless. I refer to this, when talking to my friends, as wanting to ‘wave my magic wand’ – ‘fixing’ them when they are sick, yelling at the companies or situations causing them pain, advising them to consult the experts, raging with them about the unfairness of it all – because all regular advice or coping mechanisms are failing.
Sometimes we feel as if we are completely inadequate to the task. We get down and depressed. We want to deaden the pain, escape from the fear of what is coming, lash out at the world at large.
The very worst time in my life was after having 3 miscarriages, finally giving to birth to Brian, another miscarriage, and then Jade – we lost her to SIDS when she was 2 months old. Both my husband and I seriously considered suicide because the pain seemed unbearable. Finally we went on to help each other through it and continued to raise Brian ( 2 at the time ) as best we could.
Nanea Hoffman is asking us to remember when we were care-free and innocent, having no idea how cruel our world can be. She wants us to remember that there is ‘something’ way, way down inside each of us that enables us to go on when our heads and hearts tell us to give up. That ‘something’ is strong enough to overcome whatever happens in life. Even though you think there is no way you can stand what is happening, that ‘something’ is always there, giving you strength and the courage to continue. And that ‘something’ is always there, ready when you need it most.
Remember.
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants and Coffee LLC
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Again Nanea is right on my wave length. Instead of New Year’s Resolutions and promises to myself to get more of my to do list done, prioritizing the list so I get the most important stuff done, getting another notebook so I can make a secondary list….
I have trashed my ‘to do’ list. There are still things that need to be done on or by a certain date, but I’ve cut down on those things, too.
My whole life changed in 2025 when I died twice on Feb. 11th in the ER and was given another chance at life via a pacemaker. Now I have shed my old life completely – except for people I love – and moved to Thailand to be close to our son.
The new start had quite a stutter when 2 weeks after we moved my husband had a stroke and is now in a nursing home. Our son and I have built our current lives around 3 times a week visits to make sure he is as comfortable as possible and is getting the care he needs.
Otherwise, we are building our daily routine together, starting with the gym at o-dark-thirty, shower, breakfast and then we review our day. If we have nothing pressing, we enjoy our activities and meet again to share dinner. Sometimes Brian orders an iced coffee for me mid afternoon. 🙂
I move from one activity I really like, such as researching and writing blog posts 🤗, to others, which currently include reading on my Kindle, working on a jigsaw puzzle, working on sketches and painting in my art alcove, taking short walks in the afternoon, doing exercise sessions, listening to music, etc., cramming as much joy as I can into each day.
Nanea’s suggestion really resonates with me. I used to be filled with excuses about why I couldn’t take the time to relax and spend time doing something I loved, trying something new, learning something new, and more. Now these things ARE my day. I’m simplifying my life in every way I can. I spend the end of each day in 5 minutes or more devoted to gratitude. I concentrate on ONE thing I’m grateful for, shut my eyes and just let it fill me up. This calms me down and lately the gratitude has been spilling out, trickling from my eyes.
So OUT with the To Do list – and IN with the TO BE list!🥳
Filed under Attitude, Challenges
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants & Coffee
I’m sorry for the quality of this image, but I think the message is important enough that I’m asking you to overlook it. (I’m not a subscriber to Instagram where all of the images are larger and clear.)
My son, Brian, asked me to start giving myself 5 minutes each evening to “feel gratitude.” He said to sit on something comfortable, put my feet on the floor, close my eyes and simply think of something for which I’m grateful. He suggested that thinking of a mental image or picture might help. I pictured him kissing my husband on the head at the nursing home. Nothing happened the first night, but the second I felt the emotion rise up inside me, flooding my system and grateful tears began to run down my face.
My husband and I had thought that we might not see Brian again. We were getting older and time was moving faster. He lived across the world from us in Thailand. It took 24 hours of traveling, with flights and layovers, to get from Thailand to us, so we wouldn’t ASK him to come unless we really needed it.
That time came in February of 2025, when my husband and I got really sick at the same time. Brian took care of us in Arkansas, convincing us to retire in Thailand to be close to him. Now my husband is in a nursing home here in Thailand. We are all together now, as much as we can be. When I think of Brian hugging my husband, Harvey – kissing his head and telling him how much he loves him – my heart fills up and spills over. “Grateful” is just not a strong enough word for what I feel.
My “5 minutes” now takes a half hour or more each evening before I go to bed. I feel at peace, taking the time to FEEL the gratitude for the changes we have made, getting to be close to Brian, living in a new exciting country with wonderfully kind people who have welcomed us. I find new things for which to be grateful on a daily basis.
As Nanea says here so beautifully, “FEEL IT – BREATHE IT”. If you only have one minute every day, you’ll feel yourself slowing down, calming down, filling up with appreciation and love.
Filed under Attitude, Uncategorized
It’s very satisfying to know what you want – to simplify things in your life to the point where you can just sit back and smile as it becomes more and more like what feeds your soul.
I used to plan everything. I had lists that explained other lists. And I never reached the end of a to-do list in my life. I was constantly overwhelmed, feeling ‘less than’ most of the time, feeling that if I just got up earlier, tried harder, I could cram more into my day, feeling that I had really accomplished something.
I didn’t realize this, really, until my husband and I got sick in February with almost disastrous results. Our son flew in from Thailand, took care of us, convinced us to basically walk away from all the stress of what we couldn’t keep up with anymore and retire in Thailand where we could be close to him.
We moved here the first of April and we both felt the stress falling from our shoulders almost immediately. We started making plans to get healthier and build our lives around more restful pursuits. My husband had his stroke two weeks after we moved, so our lives have changed in ways we never imagined.
After making sure we were doing all we could do for him, I decided to concentrate on what my life would be like going forward. I decided to build the rest of my life around –
Filed under Attitude
Tears 2026 – Souls Canvas – @carolinefk3.bsky.social
I think this image and the sentiment with it are exquisite.
We shed tears for lots of reasons. We cry when we’re happy, the emotion we’re feeling simply spilling out of our hearts and down our faces. We cry when we’re sad, when we can’t contain the grief and need a relief valve. We cry when we are worried or scared, trying to attain calm.
Whatever the reason for the tears, this message encourages us to USE these tears to move on, building for a better year ahead.
What seeds are we planting? I’m mentally picturing seed packets with “Resilience,” “Adaptability,” “Independence,” and more, hoping that we have learned lessons from 2025, see the need for some changes in 2026.
This is deeper than the common New Year’s Resolutions of losing weight, exercising more, eating right, cleaning out closets, etc. that we make and either keep or not as the year presses on.
When you plant a seed, you’re planning to harvest at some point, in the near future, as with lettuce, or for the long term, as in a willow tree. Choose carefully what you want from this. You’ll be cultivating the land, planting the seed, fertilizing it, weeding around it, watering it with your tears, nurturing it for a good amount of time.
Tears are more than just water. They are your heart and soul, plans and dreams, hope for the future.
We all cried in 2025. Choose carefully and bring new seeds to vibrant life!
Filed under Attitude
Nanea Hoffman – Sweatpants & Coffee.com
I feel so attuned to this lady. She expresses what I want to say so well, and I love her illustrations.
____________________
Instead of health, wealth, and success – which I also wish you –
I want to emphasize your reaction to the world around you. Your personal world of your family or other loved ones, plus your neighborhood, city, state, and country. Your reaction to what’s happening in the country in which you live, plus all that is happening around the world.
I say this because we are in charge of so little. So little that we can control. All we can really do is reach inside and work on how we are reacting to all the changes around us, the uncertainty, the concern, and more.
The only New Year’s Resolution I’m making is to continue to try to live in the moment. We are all in different stages of life. Once you have done what you personally can do to protect the ones you love, your possessions, etc., I hope that you can give yourself permission to let it go. Worrying over things you can’t control just bunches you up inside and makes you tense, irritable, nervous, and stressed out. Does it do anything else? NO.
I’m concentrating on finding joy. Delight in the little things around me, like a new bird song as we enter the gym. Something intriguing I see on the treadmill video that I missed the first time. A new singer on YouTube who sings their heart out and receives a standing ovation from the crowd of appreciative listeners. White flowers blooming in the middle of a planter full of pink blooms. A cold chocolate drink – with maybe a cookie given to me by the nice server with a smile. The inquiry from an office worker about how my husband is. A sketch that turns out better than I had hoped, or one that is hugely fun to paint. Making real progress on a jigsaw puzzle. Diving into a new book on my Kindle. Finding an article on Substack that brings me to tears it is so beautiful.
If you change your focus, you change your life. Focusing on the good things calms you inside. Smiling at people brings a smile in return. This is something that will improve your health. Positive focus is a survival skill – a habit that will bring so much joy you won’t know where to put it all…
Filed under Attitude
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