13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better… But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
My dad considered a sense of humor a survival skill. His left arm and hand were crippled when he fell off a horse when he was three. He learned to do everything with one arm and hand, including taking great care of his family. He survived the taunting and cruelty shown him at school by making them laugh. It worked. Everyone liked him because he saw things through very creative, sensitive eyes and always added a humorous twist.
When he would compliment my dress, though, it meant my dress was too short, too ‘something,’ and he wanted me to change. It took me years to NOT look in someone’s eyes when they compliment me, looking for the ‘dig.’ I have learned to just enjoy it and say a grateful, “Thank you!”
Sutton & Pine – Etsy
I loved listening to his stories. He would have me rolling on the floor laughing by the end of some of them. There was one he told of he and his friends going camping by the river one night. None of them had the first idea of how to ‘camp,’ though my dad and one of his friends helped with a boy scout group. They prepared for bed, getting out sleeping bags, etc. One man started digging a hole. He explained he would use it to make sleeping more comfortable, measuring it carefully to mold to his butt. The others followed, thinking it sounded like a great idea. They all settled in for the night. Suddenly, one of the men started cursing – finally getting up and moving his sleeping bag, saying angrily, “I sleep on my STOMACH!”
Sutton & Pine – Etsy
My healthy sense of humor has saved my sanity my whole life. Sometimes it allows me to stand back and see a situation as if it were a movie, and I’m able to see the humor in it. Many times I laugh when it is really not a good or appropriate thing to do. I got in trouble at school because a friend and I would lock eyes and then simply collapse with laughter. Even now, I avoid eye contact when I’m amused and it is NOT the time to laugh. DON’T LOOK AT ME! :0)
Puns – BoredPanda.com – Migle Miliute and Gabija Saveiskyte
Hahahahahahah! I love puns. My dad was quite a punster. He was also sarcastic. He was so much fun. He taught me the importance of being able to stand back sometimes, try to see the humor in any given situation, and to be able to laugh at myself. I do that a LOT these days. :0)
He would say something and wait. He was waiting to see if I ‘got’ the pun or not. It took me awhile, and I still do better seeing one in writing than hearing one, but I truly admire the wit and humor involved.
His sarcasm was a bit more difficult to deal with. He would look at me and say, “pretty skirt.” That meant he thought my skirt was too short, too tight, too SOMETHING and that he thought I should change. I still have a bit of trouble accepting a compliment, even though I’m now older than dirt, because I’m unconsciously looking for the criticism behind it.
Indian Hills Signs – Vince, The Sign Guy
Sigh. Snort, Smirk, Groan, Smile, Laugh. I do them ALL when I see the Indian Hills Signs. I would really love to meet Vince. He would be a challenge to talk with. I would imagine he has a very busy mind.
Unknown – sorry about the spelling error.
Plagiarizing is theft, pure and simple. So is showing art work without attribution, implying it’s your own work. Both are odious. It shows so much about the plagiarizer or thief. I guess it’s done because of lack of confidence in a person’s own ability or worth. It’s the lazy way, the fast way, like people are now using AI to write things for them.
It’s much better to write drivel and have people scoff or create artwork that has people holding their nose than to act as if YOU are the person behind the ideas, words, or art.
I am finally accepting that the time when ‘all my stuff is done’ is NEVER. I have a super power of building to-do lists from Hell. They are all-inclusive, never-ending, generating even more as I mark something off.
I used to think if I just worked harder, used my time better, I would be able to cross the LAST thing off the list for once. Over the years, though, I am able to do less in a day. I get tired a lot faster, hurt for a day or so after I overdo, and just think of things I really need to tackle next. :0)
One of the changes I’m making as intelligence wins over stamina and enthusiasm, is changing the NAME of my list from ‘To-Do’ to ‘INTENTIONS’ list. That’s more honest.
I can even add boxes before each list item for marking the priority of getting it accomplished so that I do all the ‘1’s’ first. (A ‘1’ would mean I would be embarrassed for some reason if someone else saw it UNdone – such as cleaning the center shelves in our entertainment center when the DirecTV installer was due to install our new system, so he wouldn’t see all the dog hair and dust behind everything. (As it turned out, this one was actually a much lower priority, since no one but my husband and I actually saw all the mess behind all our stuff. We were sent a palm-sized device we plugged in to the back of the TV and then got the system to work ourselves.)
Another reason for a ‘1’ priority designation would be if we were going to run out of something that I really needed for something specific – like an ingredient in a recipe I was making that evening, or food for our animals. If I finished the number ‘1’ designated things on the list, the most important stuff would be accomplished.
The problem with this is that some things with the least priority would probably NEVER get done. AND, if they have such a low priority, why are they on the list in the first place? Maybe I should ONLY list “priority 1” items and forget the rest?
You may be seeing one big reason why I’m always so behind on my whatever-we’re-going-to-call-it list —- I get hung up on the actual CREATING of the list and get to what’s ON the list too rarely to make a dent in it.
Maybe I should just order the mug above for myself and forget about the list until tomorrow…
I’m enjoying feeling better. My snark bucket is filling and I’m finding myself smiling to myself more now – an ominous sign, according to my husband.
I come by it honestly. My dad used to say, when I came out, ready for a date, ‘Nice dress.’ I learned early on that his comment meant that he thought it was too short, too tight, too ‘something’ for me to get his approval. It took me a long time to stop looking myself over to find out what was wrong and simply accept a compliment that came my way when I grew to adulthood.
Being raised by my parents was a gift that keeps on giving even now. Being able to stand back and see the humor in any given situation is a lifesaver for me. Instead of building tension inside at all the things I find upsetting, I can say something sarcastic in the privacy of my own mind, making me smile, rather than losing it.
My mother taught me practicality and strength. Her favorite quote was, “It’s better to do any reasonable thing quickly, rather than search hesitantly for the ideal.” I loved it when she got angry at a situation. She could stand on her feet and say what she thought (the length of her words and sentences depended on the degree of her anger.) She could completely undermine someone with a few words while the smarter ones in the group appreciated it wholeheartedly and the less smart tried to figure out what she had said. :0) )
Coping mechanisms are crucially important in our world today. I hope you have a bucketful to help you, too.
Snarky, sarcastic, snide – I love all of these. They make me smile, smirk, snort, or laugh out loud. I would never actually SAY these to anyone, but sometimes I would like to…
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