As most of you know, two weeks after my husband and I moved to Thailand to retire and live close to our son my husband fell and had a stroke. He spent a month in the hospital and then was transferred to a nursing home where he now resides.
He is bedridden and quite frail. He eats through a nasal feeding tube, though can eat a bit with supervision to guard against choking or aspiration into his lungs. His brain suffered a lot of damage during the stroke and following surgeries.
My son and I visit twice a week. We want him to know he is loved, make sure he is as comfortable as possible, and that he’s getting the 24 hour care he needs. On our visits we start where he is that day and just go with the flow, trying to brighten his day a bit.
Most of the time he knows who we are. He lives in a fantasy world, not able to discriminate between what he sees on TV and what is real. Otherwise he lives in a world about 40 years or so ago. Tuesday as I left, I told him I loved him as I hugged him as I always do. He said, “You must, to put up with me.”
A few nights ago I woke up to realize that I had been writing him a letter in a dream. Those thoughts continued, since I was unable to go back to sleep. I finally decided to write them down. I wanted him to remember who he is.
He will never see it. I tell him parts of it whenever we visit. I show him how I feel. But the writing of it helped me and I’m sharing it with you today.
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