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Kids Perspective 4

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While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box filled with cotton, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

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Kids Perspective 3

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

 

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

 

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

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Kids Perspective 2

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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

 

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’

‘And why not, darling?’

‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

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Kids Perspective

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POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop?

Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report.

‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’

‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her.

‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

 

 

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POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

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Dying to Laugh 3

 

 

 

 

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3 Most Difficult Things to Do in the World

Examined Existence

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Gotcha

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So How Was YOUR Day? – 10

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So How Was YOUR Day? – 5

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So How Was YOUR Day? – 4

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This one brings back memories from my childhood.

For some strange reason, my mother decided to plant some paddle cactus in the bed that went around the house.

One day, our cat wouldn’t come in when it was time for dinner. My mom told me to find her and bring her in. I found her in the bed under the cactus. I tried coaxing her out, but nothing was working. I finally crawled into the bed trying to reach the cat to pull her out. I inched forward, finally getting a hand on her leg. I stood up, pulling, then lost my balance and SAT on the cactus.

To say the whole neighborhood heard my screams is an understatement. My mom spent much of that evening with me in the bathroom, trying to pull out all the sharp spines of the cactus that were firmly lodged in my bottom. Needless to say, this is an indelible memory!

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Exercise

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I am counting the work I’m doing in the yard each day, trying to clean up from the storm, as my elliptical/cardio exercise for each day. Yesterday I spent a total of 2 hours out in the hot sun blowing leaves and picking up branches.  I gave myself a gold star for each hour. I drank water like a camel preparing for a stroll across the Sahara, and that led to a lot of exercise getting up to pee!  I had a nice shower and did a very abbreviated set of yoga stretches to try to keep myself from feeling sore.

I plan to do more of the same today, since everything is still covered in branches and leaves. I will do short sessions, drinking lots of water and resting in-between.

Tonight is a DIY (do-it-yourself) meal on our South Beach plan. Thanks to Suzanne Ryan of Simply Keto, I have a recipe for bacon-wrapped chicken breasts that is to die for. My husband’s reaction when I told him what I planned to cook was, “Oh, GOOD!”

I am PLANNING to get up to my art room to work on the newest earring painting.

I hope you have a beautiful Sunday!

 

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So How Was YOUR Day?

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Emotional Support Dog

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Doing Nothing

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Guardian Angel

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Young at Heart

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Be Honest

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Attitude

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Fun with Statues 5

 

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Fun with Statues 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Joke of the Day 5

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“A man and woman were married for many years.  Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.  The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”  Neighbors feared him.  The old man liked the fact that he was feared.  Then one evening he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”   The wife said,  “Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down and I know he won’t ask for directions.”
*Thanks to a forward from a friend.

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Joke of the Day 4

Pinterest

“A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.  It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.  “Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”  “They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.  The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth?  They’re hookers, boy!  They have sex with men for money.”  The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”  His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”  After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”  She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.” 

*Thanks to Marsha Koenig

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Fun with Statues 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Aptly Named

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Fun with Statues 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Forwarded by Marsha Koenig

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Joke of the Day 2

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“A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”  Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey.  Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”  A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid, make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off 4 stops ago!”

*Thanks to Marsha Koenig for the forward.

 

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Joke of the Day

Jokes of the Day

“A doctor, whom an 80-year-old woman who had been consulting most of her life, has finally retired.  At her next checkup, the young new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.  “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”  “Yes, they help me sleep at night.”  “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!”  She reached out and patted the  doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in my 16-year-old granddaughter’s glass of orange juice.  And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”  Gotta love grandmas!”

*Thanks to Marsha Koenig

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Morning Thoughts

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Newborn Costume

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Running

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Appointment

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