Category Archives: DIET!

Thoughts on a Tuesday 4-27-2021

yawning-Amber
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I’ve been emptying out moveable shelves and furniture for several days now, trying to get ready for new carpet in our office, foyer, and living room, plus new vinyl for our porch. I’m very aware right now of WHY new flooring is such a big decision around here. Even with my efforts to go through things, donate, throw away, reorganize, we STILL have way too much STUFF.

AND I’m finding out how awful your house can get when you don’t empty things out, move the furniture away from the wall and clean behind it at LEAST every 13 years or so. Now it’s a matter of pride, like a teenage boy or young man washing his car before a date, wanting to show his best face. I’m cleaning like a nut, not wanting the flooring guys to see what a slob I am. :0)

Happily, the company called yesterday to schedule our installation. The guy started with May 10th and 11th. I said, “But we’re ready NOW!” (We’re not actually completely ready, but could be). He got with the others and we compromised. They are now coming this Friday morning, the 30th. If they don’t finish, they will come back on Tuesday, May 4th. I’m hoping that we can get the carpet in Friday, and then I don’t mind waiting until the 4th for them to do the vinyl on the porch.

I had a good chat with our son this morning, so my day started in one of the best possible ways there is. He lives and works in Thailand. He loves it there. Even though I don’t like the fact that he is halfway across the planet from us, he is such a good communicator that I can almost forget that. We talk several times a week, send pics to each other, and even talk with a conference call program from time to time where I can see his face and try to make him smile and laugh.

His newest thing is taking private lessons on reading and writing Thai. He already speaks the language. In fact, he has a phone app where he acts as a translator between people speaking English, Mandarin, and Thai. He has 3 keyboards on the phone and is able to switch between them quickly. Someone will write in to the app, asking, “How do you say ___ in (English, Mandarin/Thai)?” He types in the answer and then goes on to the next question. The last time he was home, I could have watched him do that for hours. He wants to be able to read and write in Thai. He considers this basic courtesy.

This is the work sheet he sent me. I have no idea what it says. :0)
Redbook

Yesterday was DAY 1 on my experiment using Green Tea Extract supplements to try to control my appetite, which has gone through the roof lately. The directions say to take one capsule each day with a meal. I took mine after lunch yesterday. I managed to NOT eat anything between meals while eating a normal amount for lunch and dinner. Most importantly, I did NOT end up downstairs in the middle of the night, eating everything except for the wall.

I don’t know whether the supplement does anything or if I just want it to help so badly I got through Day 1. The mind is a powerful thing, and motivation is such a big part of changing a lifestyle. I don’t know whether this eating binge is due to stress (of which I have more than my share these days) or simply bad habits I have to work harder to break. I am determined to give this an honest shot. This is DAY 2.

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Trying Not to Stuff My Face

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All this activity of going through everything in our office and living room, moving things off the floor and out of furniture and taking it elsewhere for the laying of new carpet and flooring soon has increased my hunger. I feel I could eat the wall, giving a bit of cheese on it or some honey mustard.

I ordered some green tea extract and received it today. I’m supposed to take one capsule a day. I read a lot of reviews and decided that I would try it, hoping for some increased ability to NOT snack between meals, or to be able to choose HEALTHY snacks that will coordinate with my efforts to eat less.

Fingers crossed.

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Arrgh!

yourshot.nationalgeographic.com- Rita Mantarro

This is me in a nutshell and my basic attitude toward the world.

I particularly felt this way this morning, when my scales greeted me with a big raspberry because SOMEHOW I gaine 1-1/2 lbs yesterday. I wasn’t aware that I ate lead, but apparently that is the case.

I have decided to ignore it, since I ate a normal lunch and will eat a normal dinner. I’m HOPING that I’m just retaining water and find it gone tomorrow….

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Eating with Winnie the Pooh

A. A. Milne – E.H. Shepard – Winnie the Pooh – DreamsQuote

Last night I gave into our desire for comfort food, since our weather has been gray, cool, and rainy lately and made hamburger patties and macaroni and cheese. It hit just the right note with my husband, and he declared the meal ‘delicious’ several times.

Mostly we are trying to watch what we eat in an effort to lose our lard, get as healthy as we can, and be able to continue doing most of what we would like to do. We have found two places locally who are offering REAL FOOD and STU’S CLEAN COOKIN’ – individual frozen dinners with few ingredients – all of which you can pronounce and understand – with measured portions that are GOOD for us. We feel as it we have found a treasure trove.

Particularly when the weather is good, I like to spend a lot of time outside – working in our veggie garden, gathering harvests of lettuce, spinach, radishes, yellow squash, zucchini, broccoli, onions, and tomatoes each time I can for us to enjoy right from the garden. Much of the time I am helping with the lawn or weeding my flower beds, so it’s nice to have veggies from the garden and a good-for-us delicious dinner that only has to be nuked to be ready to eat.

As soon as I finish here, I’m planning to go out and take pics to share with you, hopefully harvest my first gathering of veggies, plus get things ready to cover the plants for some possible freezes this week.

I hope that you are well and happy this morning, and that your Sunday is a nice one.

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Shopping

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April 16, 2021 · 10:03 am

Seasons

YourTango.com

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Ugh

Tail and Fur

I got up this morning, as ready for the day as I ever am, and found that I gained a pound.

My head tells me that it’s probably retained water, but the REST of me is down.

I’m trying really hard to eat less and move more. I’ve been working in the yard each day and doing LOTS more than I sometimes do. If I eat a snack, I try to make it a healthy one, like cottage cheese, raw veggies and dip, etc. I DO eat a no-sugar-added low calorie ice cream bar by Sweet Freedom at night.

It SEEMS that if I’m eating carefully and moving MORE, the scale should be showing some improvement.

UGH.

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Mirrors

Source Unknown

I have been really active (for an old lady) lately. This has resulted in a combination of exhaustion, aching back, and hunger. I’m trying to slowly drink a full bottle of water and then wait awhile, hoping the hunger will pass until the proper time. If that doesn’t work, I’m trying to eat a combination of raw veggies and dip.

If I keep this up, hopefully, I can build a new habit. “If wishes were fishes….”

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Unanticipated

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Open Mouth…

Food Network

Since I’m not having much success with not eating between meals, I’m trying to gather some things that will be better to snack on than others.

I cut up celery and radishes yesterday. I have baby carrots and some cherry tomatoes. I can make a pretty, colorful, healthy snack for myself now to enjoy with a bit of dip.

My husband and I usually have something before bed. I know we shouldn’t do that, but I feel really deprived if he is eating and I’m not. I got some Sweet Freedom No-Sugar-Added Ice Cream Bars that are doing the trick.

My eyeballs are floating from all the water I’m drinking each day, and I’m adding to that since I’m working outside now.

I’m hoping that I can report some progress soon. :0)

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Weight Loss Tip –

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March 25, 2021 · 10:25 am

Breadth

BoredPanda.com

“Some diets are so good, they take your BREADTH away.” ~ A Rose Tinted World

We are delighted to take advantage of two places in Greenwood that make frozen individual meals using no preservatives, unpronounceable ingredients, etc. We can eat them without feeling guilty, enjoying healthy, easy meals that get us in and out of the kitchen fast.

Today we will pick up food from REAL FOOD CO. The lady who runs it shows the offerings for the next week each Wednesday afternoon. You can order food for pickup the next Monday or Tuesday. You can also just go to the place Monday – Thursday and choose what you would like from large freezers. She used to be just online, then expanded to a brick and mortar store, and will soon expand again.

The other wonderful place is STU’S CLEAN COOKIN’. They have other stores in this part of Arkansas and I think Greenwood is their newest location. They sent me an email giving me $5.00 to be redeemed this month for my birthday. Their meals are really good, too. Their service couldn’t be better.

This allows me to concentrate on things other than food during the day. I fix us lunch and we usually heat up one of the good frozen meals for dinner. Well prepared, healthy, and delicious. Can’t beat that with a stick!

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Seasonal Help with Eating

BoredPanda.com

I’m grateful for spring also because this season of the year helps me in my efforts to lose the lard.

I’m growing leaf lettuce, head lettuce, radishes, yellow squash, zucchini, red onions, spinach, broccoli, tomatoes, and celery. Being able to look forward to harvesting some of this straight from the garden to our table at night makes a big difference in my eating. I can throw off the comfort food of the winter and embrace being outside longer each day and eating big, healthy salads for our dinners.

All of my outside activities encourage me to drink more water, as well. My pedometer takes notice of my increased mobility and that encourages me to do even more.

Fingers crossed that this all comes together and I can make some good progress on my efforts to get healthier, stronger, and more flexible.

123RF.com

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10 Thoughts

The Weight Loss Mindset: 10 Thoughts that Are Keeping You Fat and How Changing Your Mind Can Change Your Body Kindle Edition by Sarah Patterson

I read this book last night. A lot of it I already “knew,” but zeroing in on the mind games I’ve been playing with myself hit me right between the eyes.

This is a well-written book that doesn’t waste your time. It’s straight-forward, explaining the 10 “thoughts,” but not beating you into the ground with them. Two of them in particular grabbed me. I will keep reading this book again until I really SEE how I’m sabotaging myself, kidding myself, and slowing my efforts to be as healthy as I can be.

Another thing I like is that the purpose of this book is to really talk to you – NOT sell you a product. She says straight out that you will get from it as much as you are willing to put into it.

No nonsense. No fooling.

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Essentials

Charles Schultz – Peanuts – http://www.snoopy.com

Spring officially starts tomorrow. I’m hoping to be able to get some veggie plants for my garden today, kicking off my season of being outside every possible day, kicking up my activity level, cutting DOWN on my comfort eating!

I will also look forward to eating fresh stuff from my garden. I always try to grow lots of spinach and lettuce, radishes, onions, and broccoli, and then whatever else looks interesting. In two other planters, I plant tomatoes. Availability varies, but I LOVE watching things grow, taking care of my plants, and then harvesting the results.

Some years I’m really successful and I can take fresh food to my friends. That is the BEST. :0)

Each year I feel renewed hope for the growing season – a new lease on life.

It’s especially welcome this year, and I look forward to sharing my efforts with you.

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This Would Be Nice…

DailyMail.com

Since we’re having a cold, rainy day, I’m having to acknowledge another of my eating triggers. I want lots of comfort food, since I can’t have spring yet. You don’t think I’m spoiled, do you?

What we will ACTUALLY have is tuna fish salad for lunch and one of our delicious, healthy individual portion frozen dinners we get from the two ‘new’ places in town, REAL FOOD and STU’S CLEAN COOKIN’. These additions to our town have been wonderful for us. They pride themselves on no preservatives, no additives, no unpronounceable ingredients – just good, healthy food in reasonable portions. Wonderful food. Wonderful timing. Lucky US!

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Decision

Toni-Sorenson – Womens Day

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Window Shopping

dumpaday.com

It’s rainy here, making me glad I have a warm, dry house.

It also makes me want comfort food, and I have trouble staying away from ‘bad’ things.

In general, I do pretty well, but then the gremlin inside my head tells me, “It’s been over a year since you had a ________. It wouldn’t hurt to have just one…” Yeah, right. And then we move on to President’s Day, and National Pickle Week, and the whole thing crashes.

Today I’m trying to distract myself by working in the yard, if Mother Nature will cooperate. It is not raining this very minute, so maybe I can get my elephant ear plants re-planted.

I noticed yesterday that in addition to my daffodils lifting my spirits, our tulip tree is blooming! Talk about signs of hope for the future!

So, I will finish my coffee, keep my mouth firmly shut otherwise, and stay busy.

Wishing myself luck….

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2:00 a.m.

BoredPanda.com

Last night I awoke as if someone had nudged me at 1:30. I tried to go back to sleep, but sounds and thoughts surrounded me and I got up to go downstairs a read a bit to get sleepy again.

I ended up eating some turkey. There is something about being awake in the middle of the night that makes me ravenous. I ate and read and then went back up to bed.

Today I feel guilty, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it again…..

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Splurge

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We went for a splurge breakfast after I got a blood test this morning at our doc’s office. I hate needles, so the prospect of a really nice breakfast afterwards makes it much easier to act like an adult. :0)

In Arkansas, the rules for percentage of capacity of dining-in at restaurants has expanded a bit. Everyone is still wearing masks and the servers place the diners pretty far apart. They now bring you menus and take your order rather than everyone standing in line to order at the front counter. I felt as safe as one can these days as I enjoyed a truly delicious breakfast.

We saw a dear friend who works at our bank while we were there. She was having breakfast with her parents. It has been ages since we saw her. It was good to be able to wave, exchange a few words, find out she and her family are okay, and see part of her face. (I love it that you can still tell when people are smiling, even when they are wearing a mask.) :0)

My husband and I are in the high risk group for COVID (being old and having other conditions) and we are lucky that we have an appointment to get our first vaccination shot Monday morning. I hope the rate of vaccinations can continue to increase until everyone who would like to receive the protection is immunized.

As far as food goes today, our splurge breakfast will hold us until we have a bowl of the beef stew I made in the crock pot yesterday for dinner tonight.

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Cravings

Facts and Chocolate

I’m weird. (I know. You already knew.) :0)

I think that MOST people crave sweets when they are trying to watch what they are eating. I crave salty things, bread and starches, like pasta, rice, potatoes.

I AM getting better about reading labels, though, and try to get the lower sodium options, or decide not to buy things if they’re loaded with salt. I used to have the table salt right where we ate. I have now moved that. If I want to add salt, I have to actually get up and go get it. I use a bit of salt to cook, but try to use season salt, rather than regular. (It just occurred to me that I could make the “getting-up-to-get-salt” a part of my exercise plan, but I think that’s really pushing it. :0) )

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New Month – New Chance

Spoon University

My scales are finally beginning to take notice of my efforts to lose the lard.
Though I vary on eating between meals, my basic program remains the same. I am eating healthy individual portion frozen dinners prepared by good people at either REAL FOOD or STU’S CLEAN COOKIN’ in Greenwood. The ingredients and amounts are listed on the meals. No unpronounceable additives or preservatives are used.

Otherwise, a sandwich or tuna salad, sugar-free jello, and olives or grapes for lunch.

Now that our weather is finally warming up, I don’t dread spending time on my elliptical trainer in the garage as much. I’m trying to do 35 minutes on it three times a week and my yoga stretches every day. I’m doing pretty well at that, even though I have missed days due to helping my husband fix all the stuff that is falling apart around here lately.

I gave up on my efforts to start seeds. I got some messy sprouts, but all were trying their best to die, so I stopped. My title as ‘Serial Seed Killer” remains. :0( Happily, some plants are available locally. I’m trying to decide if I should go ahead and plant things, even though our average last frost date isn’t until April 5th.

I hope that today is a good day for you.

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Minus Sugar and Carbs

Just kidding. :0)

My husband has Type II Diabetes, so we cut out as much sugar as possible several years ago. That, along with medication, is keeping his blood sugar at a good level. He really had to work to do it. He LOVES sweets. He even calls ME “Sugar.” I’m really proud of him that he is building good habits. He does splurge, but we monitor blood sugar twice a week and pay attention to it.

We had two places start up in Greenwood this year – REAL FOOD and STU’S CLEAN COOKIN.’ Both provide individual serving frozen meals that are HEALTHY and DELICIOUS.

Today I’m cooking a chuck roast in the slow cooker, but most of our days are built around having one of their frozen meals, or the ones I make from the leftovers we have. We have a sandwich or tuna salad for lunch, and we try not to eat much in-between. It seems to be working for us, albeit slowly.

In these days when we need to be particularly careful about our health (we are in the high risk group for COVID) it just makes sense to also eat as healthy as possible and try to lose the lard.

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Stress Eating

Mae West – BrightDrops

We just got home from a trip to Ft. Smith.

Yesterday we discovered that our generator failed to do its weekly automatic test. It also failed to start manually. We charged the battery we just bought last month, and installed a new air filter. The oil level and quality was fine. My husband took out the starter motor and tested it in the shop. No one in Greenwood works on starter motors, so we found a guy in Ft. Smith.

The traffic was AWFUL. My husband is always complaining about the “Anti-destination League,” who take pride in driving side by side in the left lane with the vehicle on the right, so no one can do anything. They really seemed to be out in force today, causing my husband a huge amount of frustration. His griping and efforts to try to get around the traffic cause ME a lot of stress as well.

We found the motor repair place, left the motor with the man, and started to drive home. We agreed to stop for something to eat. We found a Burger King. Each of us had a bacon cheeseburger and French fries. NOT on our diet! The burger was a burger, but the French fries were magnificent.

We are home now, in one piece. I didn’t kill my husband for scaring me to death over and over, but it was a close thing.

I think I may see if I can just go get the motor – if the man can fix it – by myself.

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Snacks

imgflip.com – tumblr – Spoon University

This is DAY THREE of not eating anything between meals. That, along with portion control at meals and my efforts to move more should result in happy results on the scales and on my measuring tape. The weather is finally warming up, too, which means I can get outside more. I feel that things are coming together now.

It would be easier to simply sign up again for a weight loss/meals provided program again, but I’m determined to take responsibility for what I eat and drink. We are getting lots of help with two new places here locally who each provide individual portion frozen healthy meals. We eat one of those for dinner. I make us a sandwich or tuna salad for lunch. My husband eats snacks when he likes. He is much closer to his goal weight, but we’re still trying to watch his sugar intake.

I’m trying to build good habits that will result in my getting and staying in reasonable shape so I can continue to do most of what I would like for the rest of my life. I’m kind of using you as a check for accountability and reporting. I hope you don’t mind.

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Eat-Arounds

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The forecast shows a slow warming trend here, so maybe we’ll be able to find our driveway in the coming days! I am hoping that I can convince my husband to wait at least until tomorrow afternoon before trying to negotiate our way down to the street that runs in front of our house.

Our microwave finally gave up the ghost, so this spoiled lady has been having to get off her duff and do some cooking, rather than simply heating up delicious, healthy frozen meals from REAL FOOD and STU’S CLEAN COOKIN’ in Greenwood.

Yesterday I cooked a chuck roast in the crock pot all afternoon. We had some of that, plus some rice, gravy, and peas. I am planning to spoon out some of the leftovers into oven containers to heat up for tonight.

I am learning to be careful what I gripe about! Not long ago I was griping because I wanted some comfort food to help us through the ice and snow we’ve had for about 3 weeks now. At that point I was taking my microwave for granted. NOW that has all changed.

In times like these, we learn what a great life we have and how VERY much we have to be thankful for. We cancelled Lunch Bunch for today. Yesterday I talked to one of my Lunch Bunch friends. Not only was she snowed in, but her main water pipe had burst and she was waiting for the plumber to come and try to repair it. Plus my heart truly goes out to the people suffering in Texas. I gripe about small annoyances while they try to get warm and find SOMETHING to eat.

Diets, extra lardage, and inconveniences, such as the lack of a microwave don’t even get on the bottom rung of what is important right now. May we all get through this winter so we can enjoy the promise of spring.

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Calories

thatswhatthatmeans.tumblr.com – Shibley Smiles

The saga of small annoyances vs real problems continues in the Lewis household.

A month or so ago, the dish inside the microwave that turns when the food is cooking to ensure even heating quit working. I looked up our records and the microwave was purchased in 2005. We have certainly gotten our money’s worth.

My husband is really good at fixing things. He figured out a way to fix the microwave so the plate turned again. Things went fine until yesterday, when the plate stopped turning again. My husband immediately squashed ideas of getting a new one – assuming we will EVER be able to negotiate our steep driveway and the roads between our home and town again. (We are into our second week of being completely stuck up on top of our ridge line – the first week due to ice and this week due to snow. We still have about 8 inches on the ground, so we MAY be able to get out by NEXT week some time if the sun stays out and the temperatures warm up from the current 15 degrees F.)

My husband went to work on the microwave again and we tested it this morning. It ran – and the plastic ‘thingie’ in the center of the floor of the microwave turned – for about 3 seconds and then the whole microwave shut off. It is now clear that the microwave is completely dead this time, no matter how smart or inventive he is.

I explain all this because we have been thoroughly enjoying frozen dinners from two new places in town – Real Food, and Stu’s Clean Cookin.’ These are individual dinners, portion controlled, healthy, and delicious. We have quickly become spoiled.

“I” will need to get inventive now on defrosting these on the counter, then transferring them to oven dishes, then figuring out how long – and at what temperature – to heat them up. In the meantime, I’ll cook a roast for tonight in the crock pot.

As I began when I started this post, this is a small annoyance vs the very real and dangerous problems many good people in the United States are facing right now. I feel a bit guilty even mentioning something as small as this. The pandemic, cabin fever, and the trying to diet have all combined to make me a rather gripe-y lady.

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Weight-a-tude

Grand View Health

ATTITUDE comes first. The DECISION to do all you can to get the lard off. Next comes the actual DOING.

I found a great thought for weight loss this morning – “BE STRONGER THAN YOUR EXCUSE.”

This really resonated, since I’ve been mentally and emotionally using the fact we’re snowed in as our excuse the past week or so. Last week we were iced in. Now we’re snowed in. (We got more overnight.) Both are great excuses to open mouth and insert foot – as well as other things that don’t belong.

It has also been too cold to do my elliptical trainer in the garage. I just can’t do it. This has led to only doing my yoga, even though I do have several good DVDs I could use.

I will try to heed the great weight loss thought above and squash the enticing ‘slug bug’ mentality.

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Bless My Heart

WiffleGif.com

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” ~ Erma Bombeck

I just looked at my watch, expecting it to be close to lunch time. It’s 10:43.

There is something about being snowed in that whets my appetite. To be completely honest, though – ANYTHING whets my appetite. In my next life I would like to come back as a great looking, willow slim, beautifully toned TALLER woman who ‘forgets’ to eat – who takes pleasure in food, but doesn’t give it much thought.

And while I’m fantasizing…. oops, maybe that should be private. :0)

Hope you’re having a great day.

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Thoughts on a Friday in February

MAN v FAT

It’s harder to stick with a rational, mature eating plan when the weather is yelling for comfort food. It’s 17 degrees F here in Greenwood, Arkansas. February is always our coldest month, but I was beginning to believe we wouldn’t have much of a winter this year. Hahahahahahhaha! Our highs are in the 20s, we have ice everywhere, our deck is a skating rink unfit for old folks to fill the bird feeders, and our 650+ foot long, STEEP driveway and the road that runs in front of our place are not encouraging travel – even to retrieve our mail at the bottom of the driveway. The forecast is for ‘dangerous cold, and snow Sat – Monday, then again Wednesday of next week. Did I tell you I HATE February?

VectorStock

I’m trying to be the “mature adult woman” that I’m supposed to be, NOT stuffing my face while continuing to earn my gold stars on my desk calendar for exercise. I put on my sweatshirt, sweat pants, puffy vest, knit hat, and gloves to go out to the garage to put in my time on my elliptical trainer. The good thing is I feel very proud of myself if I manage to get my time in out there each day. The yoga in the afternoons is easier.

Yesterday I finally got the seeds planted for my spring garden. The seed starter tray is sitting on our dining area table where the seeds will get the best sun. I’m watching the tray like a mother hen, hoping my seeds will sprout and then do really well so that I’ll have healthy, good-looking plants to put into my raised bed square foot garden the first week of April.

I am planning to continue my efforts to clean and reorganize my art room today. So far, the only clean area is my drafting table. Today I’ll tackle this table.

I hope you’re having a good Friday. Maybe we can start a petition to do away with February…

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The Battle Continues

MAN v CAT

My scales gave me a thumbs up again this morning. I’m determined to take this one day at a time, though my goal is a long way off.

The MyFitnessPal.com website is helping me stay accountable for what I’m consuming. It’s so easy to tell yourself you’re not eating that much, but the ‘grazing’ adds up around here, and the website makes me acknowledge where the problems are and help me concentrate on solving them. Today I will cut up raw veggies to enjoy with dip for my mid afternoon snack.

Penn Fitness Warehouse

My efforts to do 35 minutes a day on my elliptical are having varied success. My excuse NOW is the weather. I’m wearing a vest and my gloves, but the elliptical trainer is out in the garage and it is REALLY cold out there, even though I’m moving. I’ve decided that if I get out there and do as much as I can before freezing to death, that’s all anyone should ask. I’m really earning my gold star there.

One Green Planet

My afternoon yoga is going much better. My body is starting to loosen up a bit. It’s amazing to me that I must spend much of the day trying to curl up into a ball. It’s hard for this old broad to stretch out. It actually takes me a minute or two for the act of lying down flat on my back on my mat to stop being really uncomfortable. I have to concentrate on relaxing (“relaxing jaw – relaaaaaaaxing face) with my head and neck propped up on a wonderful wedge I bought online after my massage therapist tried it one day a couple of years ago. When I stop hurting, I then put my head flat on the floor and relax some more.

I spend 30 -45 minutes most afternoons doing slow, careful, thorough stretching. My body feels a lot better afterwards.

This post reminded me of a sign I found recently –

dumpaday.com

I hope I’m not boring you to tears. If I am please just scroll through it rapidly, delete it, write me a note…..

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