I spent much of yesterday in quiet contemplation of what kind of person our dear Jade might have become.
I didn’t do child bearing well. My husband and I married in 1969. We waited for a couple of years to try to have children until both of us had steady jobs and we had purchased a home. I lost two babies before we finally had our son Brian in 1978. (RH negative negative for me and positive for our babies was the main problem). We lost another baby after Brian and finally had our beautiful daughter, Jade. Our family was complete. My husband decided to have a vasectomy so I wouldn’t have to carry the burden of birth control – though that was a bit ironic with our history.
I came home from a community college night class to see all the lights on in my home and my in-laws’ car in the driveway. When I entered the house my in-laws stood up and said, “She’s gone.” In a panic I ran all over the house, not only not finding Jade, but all of her things were gone. The Lewises had decided that while waiting for me, they would gather up her stuff so I wouldn’t have to. My husband was gone, too. He had been taken to the police station because Jade had died under his care.
While we sat in silence, our then 2-year-old son Brian came out dragging Jade’s blanket. He had been crying and his sweet eyes were swollen. He walked to the trash can and threw the blanket in, saying, “Broken.” My husband returned home. The coroner had determined she died of SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) He simply crumpled when he came to me, buried his face in my lap and sobbed.
We both seriously contemplated suicide the pain was so great. Finally, we realized that we had others to think of. We talked and decided we would live for each other, help each other through this, and raise Brian with all the love we had. I learned that night that nothing could ever hurt me like that again.
I got to share two months with her. Each year I sit and think of her particularly on February 5th, the day she left us. Some people said it was God’s Will. I didn’t accept that then and still don’t. I just can’t. What I do believe is that we will meet again some day, recognize each other, and spend eternity together.
I hope that the experts will one day solve the mystery of what causes SIDS and what, if anything, can be done to prevent it, so that others won’t have to go through this. I’m thankful that it caused us to be stronger as a family, to cherish Brian even more, and actually be able to find joy in life again.
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Your story about Jade is heart-wrenching, Linda. My mom was rH negative too and is what led to her losing five babies—most before birth. The one who was born full term died within a few hours. I simply can’t imagine your pain or hers.
Today is our twin granddaughters birthday (Feb. 5th). I don’t know if I told you that before. It makes reading your post even that much more poignant! Tears!
I do believe you and Harvey will see Jane again in the afterlife.
much love, my friend.
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Thanks for your kind words, Sheila. I’m so sorry for your mom. Happy birthday to your granddaughters!!!!!!!
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Thank you so much dear Linda! I can’t believe I had not looked up your previous articles before tonight, about Jade. And I had never seen a picture of Brian before tonight either! In all this time we have been communicating too!
Here’s the obituary I wrote for my mother, from years ago. I think it explains more about mom’s miscarriages and the rH factor too. I typically read it again each year on her birthday and date of her passing.
https://sheilamurrey.net/2017/07/03/eulogy-for-my-loving-mother-betty-ann-williams/
FYI I have a friend who has been to Nepal too, and read where Brian had went there to meditate. I LOVE that!! Meditation has brought me so very much relief from grief that I can’t even begin to describe. Much love, Linda.
You are right. Love is all there is.
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What a beautiful tribute! Well done.
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It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly 9 years since mom passed.
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And you go along with your life and suddenly it hits you square between the eyes once again, triggered by the date, an event, something you hear or see or read. Their immortality is that they live inside us forever.
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so very true 🥹
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Oh Linda , Im so sorry for your loss. For I too lost a child my arms never held, I know not if my child was a boy or girl but grieve the loss just the same. My your lifes love and care of your family and friend bring you comfort and peace. 🙏
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sorry for YOUR loss, as well. We understand this kind of grief the way no one else can. I wish you comfort and peace, too. Thanks for writing.
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All I say is I’m sorry!
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Thank you, Linda. I appreciate you.
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Losing Jade must have felt unbearable! I cannot begin to imagine the pain you felt and still do. I am sorry for your loss. Jade was a beautiful baby, and if she took after her Mom and big brother, she would have been a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing your daughter and your loss. (Donna)
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Thank you, Donna, for your kind words. They are much appreciated. I hope you’re right that she would have been a wonderful person. Looking at my Brian, I think she might have been. Thanks.
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