Ruth Irving
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We went to visit my husband today.
One of the managers stopped us as we went into the nursing home, telling us that Harvey quit breathing during the night. He started again, but she wanted to know what we wanted them to do if it happens again. My husband and I have agreed that when our time comes we don’t want to be resuscitated, no heroic stuff, just let us go. Telling them that today, though, really upset me. Deciding what you want or don’t want in THEORY is very different than doing it for real.
My reasons for not wanting to say it, though, are very selfish. I simply don’t want to face it. I don’t want him to go. See all the “I’s” in these statements? When I force myself to think of HIM and what HE wants, the decision is much more straightforward.
He made little sense today, talking about atomic bombs on funeral pyres, but at one short point he DID say to Brian, “If someone tries to bully you or make fun of you, you tell them you have a dad who loves you, and to pound sand.” He also said, “One of the best things of my life is to have you call me Dad.”
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Sending hugs
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Thanks so much, Christine
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It means so much to me, to know how you see yourself in your writing, Linda. All the I’s in your statement. And yes, I know it’s much harder to do in reality, letting go, than to make the plan.
However, had Harvey quit breathing in the night and not came back, you would not have had a choice. Would that have been easier? I don’t know. That’s what happened when my dad passed.
As for my mom. She didn’t pass until I told God that I was ready. I knew her time was tough on her and dad so I prayed that I was ready (to let her go). She passed no long after I prayed that prayer. She had Alzheimer’s for 20 years and for two of her last years, dad had to do EVERYTHING for her. She had lost an extreme amount of weight too, and I felt she would not have long. I saw her twice a couple months before she passed away. She knew me both times. I showed her pictures and videos of her great granddaughters. I anointed her head with oil. Washed/combed her hair and took a video with her for my daughter who lived far away, and for me (I watch it every so often).
Tears streaming now… but I know she’s in a better place (they both are) and I could never wish for them back because of that. ❤️🙏💙
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Oh, Sheila. I’m sorry for your losses. I hear you about letting go when the quality of life for the person you love isn’t there anymore. I’m glad you had that last time with your mom. Thanks for your kind words .
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Oh, my goodness! I hurt for you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can definitely understand not wanting to let him go, and that is by no means selfish. That man has been part of your life for so many years, so it has to be unimaginable pain to even think about much less have to make the decision.
Praying for you and your son. (Donna)
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Thank you so much, Donna. I appreciate you.
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