My friend Marsha sent this to me this morning, saying her brother had sent it to her, and I smirked, snorted, and laughed all the way through it. I HAD to share –
As 2024 is gone:
I want to say thank you Facebook friends, for your educational posts over the past year. When it comes to common sense, I’m beginning to wonder if anyone has any. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery. Because of y’all, I have to drink 3 glasses of wine. Yes
before noon.
1- I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel.
2-Nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my Ice Tea without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
3- I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened to it since it was last washed.
4- I can’t eat a little snack that sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the year.
5- I must send my special thanks for the post about rat *hit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every Christmas card envelope that needs sealing.
6- I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
7- I find it difficult to use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like *hit pot.
8-Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
9- Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I tag seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I0- I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
11- I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
12- Thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me No more hot chocolate for me.
13- I no longer go to the cinema because when I sit down I’m invaded by bed bugs.
14- I no longer go to stores because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
15- I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Russia and Ukraine. As for a certain political party, I’m not sure which one will be using and investigating my number. I heard it on Facebook So I know it’s true.
16- If you don’t post this to your wall for 7 days and tag at least 7 people in the next 7 minutes, next year Santa Claus ain’t going to leave you a thing. I know because I saw it on Facebook So it’s got to be true.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush and false teeth in the living room, because I was told that the air carries germs up to 5 feet from the toilet.
Y’all Have A Good Day Now! 
And An Awesome New Year!!!
I follow many of those rules too! Haha!
I thought it was wonderful – showing how social media sometimes shapes our thinking.
THAT was hilarious!
I laughed out loud at some of them. I’m glad you liked them, too. Thanks so much for letting me know.
Very funny, but depressingly true. When I had finished reading I thought the only thing that was safe to do was breathe, but sadly that’s a bit risky too with all the pollutants in the air.
Ain’t THAT the truth. But we have to stand back and try to see the humor in any given situation – as a survival skill. Thanks for writing.