Word Play

“Lexophile”  describes those who have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”,  “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”  

An  annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. This year’s submissions:

“I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now. 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore. 

I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge. 

A  dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail. 

A will is a dead giveaway. 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He’s all right now. 

A  bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired. 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. 

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed. 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye. 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it. 

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me. 

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 

When chemists die, they barium. 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.”

(*forwarded to me by a good friend.)