theartofforgiveness.org
I’ve been soul-searching since early yesterday.
We were enjoying the day, quietly celebrating my husband’s birthday (though he was grouchy to be another year older) when we got a message out of the blue from a family member we hardly ever see. It was a really vicious attack on my husband’s life, character, beliefs and more, ironically beginning and ending with “Happy Birthday.”
I’ve lived a long time now. I can manage attacks on me MUCH better than I can handle attacks on my husband. This came out of the blue, hurting my husband (though he denied it) and completely stunning me. I rarely get angry, but I was shaking I was so mad. To do this at any time I consider unforgivable, but it was beyond belief that this would be done on my husband’s birthday, when we’ve been nothing but polite.
I received some really good advice from two other family members, both encouraging me to be compassionate, rather than idly entertaining ideas of mean things we might have done in retaliation, other than just taking it in silence, as we did. More though, they both encouraged me to think about this in a different light. This person is lashing out because of suffering and unhappiness. While this hurt us, to nurture the hurt feelings does no one any good.
Rather than wanting to bite this person in the leg, it would make me grow as a person to try to see the world from this person’s point of view. Mostly, rather than only thinking of my husband and myself, I should try to let go of the hurt, forgive this person who is obviously hurting, too, and move on.
This will take some real soul-searching. I’m trying to look at this at another of life’s character-building exercises – one that will make me a better, more forgiving, and more compassionate person. There is FAR too much hate around us. I don’t want to be a part of that.
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Soul searching can be good in many situations Linda and you don’t need to feed the hate.
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I couldn’t agree more, Irene, though I admit, this is hard for me to deal with.
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I see, what you mean, but I do also know, that by ignoring the hate and only by acting polite, which don’t need to be kind, use to help.
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I’ll work through this, Irene. I’ll feel better when I can let the hurt go, and be a better person.
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When this happens to me and I reach the point of wanting to let it go, I have a conversation with God, admitting that I can’t let it go with my own will power and tell him I want to let it go but need His power to do so.
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Thanks for your feedback on this, Onisha. I’m doing some good on starting to let it go. It helps that this person lives a long way from us and we don’t see or hear anything for years at a time. I appreciate your writing because I sure need all the help I can get. I hope you are well.
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Good for you, we are seeing a lot of te phrase ‘love trumps hate’ and I am glad to see it in action
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I have to admit that this was a hard one for me. I’ve let the hurt go and have forgiven this person at this point, though I’m honestly not sure how I would act if we were face-to-face at this point. Time will help and I’ll keep talking to myself about it. Thanks so much for your encouragement.
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