Tag Archives: punnies

June 23, 2020 · 9:36 am

Punnies 7

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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though – he woke up

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction.

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June 17, 2020 · 9:42 am

Punnies 6

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What did the ranch say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”

I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

What do you call a girl with one leg that’s shorter than the other? Ilene.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

 A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

What’s America’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.

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June 14, 2020 · 9:59 am

Punnies 5

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What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!

One lung said to another, “we be-lung together!”

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick? Put it on my bill!

My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

What did syrup to the waffle? I love you a waffle lot!

My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me. I think she’s just being clothes-minded!

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!

I’m no cheetah, you’re lion!

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June 11, 2020 · 2:25 pm

Punnies 4

Amazing Creatures

Who is the penguin’s favorite Aunt? Aunt-Arctica!

What should a lawyer always wear to a court? A good lawsuit!

The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket!

How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows!

I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!

That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!

You really shouldn’t be intimidated by advanced math… it’s easy as pi!

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June 10, 2020 · 9:26 am

Punnies 3

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Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though – he woke up!

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!

Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!

Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

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June 9, 2020 · 10:43 am

Punnies 2

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Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!

Never trust an atom, they make up everything!

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

I made a pun about the wind but it blows.

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

 

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June 8, 2020 · 11:20 am

More Punnies

Storyteller Travel

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.

Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.

Can February March? No, but April May.

 I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.

Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!

My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

 

*Parade

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