Ruth Irving
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We went to visit my husband today.
One of the managers stopped us as we went into the nursing home, telling us that Harvey quit breathing during the night. He started again, but she wanted to know what we wanted them to do if it happens again. My husband and I have agreed that when our time comes we don’t want to be resuscitated, no heroic stuff, just let us go. Telling them that today, though, really upset me. Deciding what you want or don’t want in THEORY is very different than doing it for real.
My reasons for not wanting to say it, though, are very selfish. I simply don’t want to face it. I don’t want him to go. See all the “I’s” in these statements? When I force myself to think of HIM and what HE wants, the decision is much more straightforward.
He made little sense today, talking about atomic bombs on funeral pyres, but at one short point he DID say to Brian, “If someone tries to bully you or make fun of you, you tell them you have a dad who loves you, and to pound sand.” He also said, “One of the best things of my life is to have you call me Dad.”
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