A SHORT HISTORY: We married in 1969. Between then and 1977, we lost three babies to miscarriages. (Rh Factor) In 1978 we had our son. In ’79, we lost another baby to miscarriage. In ’80 we had our daughter and our family was complete. Two months later, on February 5,1981, we lost our daughter, Jade, to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
“Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexplained death, usually during sleep, of a seemingly healthy baby less than a year old. SIDS is sometimes known as crib death because the infants often die in their cribs.” The peak incidence of SIDS occurs between 1 – 4 months of age; 90% of cases occur before 6 months of age. Babies continue to be at risk for SIDS up to 12 months.”
She was “perfect,” and she was gone. Our minister said, “Jade was born, lived a little while, and then died.” I couldn’t listen to more.
The pain was so intense that we both seriously considered suicide, then decided we had to live for each other and for our son. I read everything I could find on SIDS, and discovered the experts knew very little about it – why it happens or what can be done to prevent it. The experts also told us we were lucky that our son was only 2 – that he wouldn’t understand or remember it. Soon after we lost her, he took Jade’s blanket across the room to the trash can, threw it in and said, “Broken.” So much for the experts.
Lasting effects –
I still can’t hold a baby in my arms without crying, even after all this time.
I worry for pregnant women or women with babies under 1 year
I can’t go to a funeral without falling apart and bringing all the attention to me, so I try to show I care in different ways.
There ARE some positive effects, though –
I have learned that there is a core way down deep inside that enabled me to not only survive but to enjoy life again.
I have looked at life differently since then, cherishing the people in my life, and all the things that are beautiful and bring me pleasure.
I am much more forgiving, even though I threaten my husband from time to time of having the backhoe guy on speed dial to dig a hole for him in the back yard.
Our family grew closer and stronger.
A really frustrating thing is that the experts know little more now than they did 42 years ago about SIDS. There are now baby monitors that are very helpful to parents. The experts now suggest that babies sleep on their backs. I haven’t found anything more about the shots that babies get at two months. I will never forget, though, that our pediatrician came out to the house when he heard we had lost her, and cried with us.
I hope that one day I will see Jade again, finding that her spirit is healthy and happy; and that one day the mystery of SIDS is solved.
We have a quiet day today – normal chores and errands. I’m still nursing my arm, so I won’t be hanging from chandeliers or trying to leap tall buildings today. Hopefully, things will be back to what passes for normal tomorrow.
I’m still thinking of a segment on 60 Minutes last night. It was about Hans Zimmer, a man who is famous for creating the music for lots and lots of movies. He is 65, full of life and enthusiasm, love for his craft, and simply fascinating. One part of the segment showed Leslie and him at his ‘work station,’ a thing of beauty, with I think 4 or 5 monitors and other control equipment around a keyboard, with a huge screen for whatever the movie was at the time in front of him. He was in total control, the master of his domain.
Our son is playing with this type of thing, trying to incorporate every day or other worldly sounds into music he is creating. I was able to find a URL of the segment and send it to him. I’m eager to hear what he says.
I hope your Monday is a happy one, with lots of nose nuzzling.
My copy of the book of Curtis Wiklund’s drawings came recently. I’ve looked through it twice already. Whenever you doubt the power of love, just open this book to any page and your faith will be renewed. Curtis and Jordin Wiklund share a love that makes me cry. That love jumps off the page at you from his drawings and titles.
Also, you’ll love his website, where he lists the fact that he and his wife do wedding photography. There is a section of sketches from this book, but also new ones you’ll love.
I really enjoyed yesterday. I reached out to two long-time friends, asking if I could come over for a bit. Nora got right back to me, saying, “YES!” so I jumped into the truck.
Our schedules just don’t mesh, so we hadn’t seen each other in a LONG time. It doesn’t diminish the love in any way – life is just more complicated these days. (She works full time and I’m with my husband full time.)
I was surprised to learn that she is now working from home full time. I don’t know the logistics of it, but I’m delighted that she doesn’t have to spend all that money for gas, or worry about getting to and from Ft. Smith if the roads are bad. She is also having a roof for her patio constructed so that she can enjoy having outside in the mornings. This is a real quality of life issue for her. She’s tried various other more temporary roofs, but with our gusty Arkansas winds, they have blown down or completely blown away. Now she’ll have something that will last. :0) She apparently liked the tote bag I painted for her and complimented the card I painted. Since she is a pastel artist, I’m really happy that she is pleased with my efforts.
We ate lunch and then I heard from another friend, Carla. She said she was out and about, and wanted to come to our place around 4pm. I went scurrying around, making sure she had a comfortable place to sit, a clear place to put down a drink, the bathroom was clean, etc. (That’s what I get for being a slob.)
She brought what is called a “Kaleidoscope Rose.” Isn’t it stunning? I’ve never seen one before. I THINK that this is done very carefully with dyes on each petal to create this. However it happens. I think it’s gorgeous. She also brought chocolates that I am trying my best to stay away from. :0)
She liked her personalized tote, too, laughing at one of the quotes about car racing. (She and her son have a stock car.)
So it was a beautiful day, catching up with two ladies who mean the world to me, getting hugs, bringing up my spirits. What a lucky lady I am!
Curtis Wiklund and his wife are professional photographers. He sketches as a hobby, and challenged himself to do a sketch a day for a year while his wife did a photo challenge. He decided to do sketches of himself and his wife doing everyday things. The result is beyond beautiful.
He sketches as a hobby, and challenged himself to do a sketch a day for a year while his wife did a photo challenge. He decided to do sketches of himself and his wife doing everyday things. The result is beautiful.
“An eye witness account from New York City, on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, ‘My, but you’re in such deep thought staring in
that window!’
‘I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,’ was the boy’s reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, ‘No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.’
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her. ‘Are you God’s wife?’ “