Tag Archives: Lessons Learned

February 6, 2026 · 12:24 am

Jade

I spent much of yesterday in quiet contemplation of what kind of person our dear Jade might have become.

I didn’t do child bearing well. My husband and I married in 1969. We waited for a couple of years to try to have children until both of us had steady jobs and we had purchased a home. I lost two babies before we finally had our son Brian in 1978. (RH negative negative for me and positive for our babies was the main problem). We lost another baby after Brian and finally had our beautiful daughter, Jade. Our family was complete. My husband decided to have a vasectomy so I wouldn’t have to carry the burden of birth control – though that was a bit ironic with our history.

I came home from a community college night class to see all the lights on in my home and my in-laws’ car in the driveway. When I entered the house my in-laws stood up and said, “She’s gone.” In a panic I ran all over the house, not only not finding Jade, but all of her things were gone. The Lewises had decided that while waiting for me, they would gather up her stuff so I wouldn’t have to. My husband was gone, too. He had been taken to the police station because Jade had died under his care.

While we sat in silence, our then 2-year-old son Brian came out dragging Jade’s blanket. He had been crying and his sweet eyes were swollen. He walked to the trash can and threw the blanket in, saying, “Broken.” My husband returned home. The coroner had determined she died of SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) He simply crumpled when he came to me, buried his face in my lap and sobbed.

We both seriously contemplated suicide the pain was so great. Finally, we realized that we had others to think of. We talked and decided we would live for each other, help each other through this, and raise Brian with all the love we had. I learned that night that nothing could ever hurt me like that again.

I got to share two months with her. Each year I sit and think of her particularly on February 5th, the day she left us. Some people said it was God’s Will. I didn’t accept that then and still don’t. I just can’t. What I do believe is that we will meet again some day, recognize each other, and spend eternity together.

I hope that the experts will one day solve the mystery of what causes SIDS and what, if anything, can be done to prevent it, so that others won’t have to go through this. I’m thankful that it caused us to be stronger as a family, to cherish Brian even more, and actually be able to find joy in life again.

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September 30, 2017 · 10:58 am

A Step Too Far

We got the competitor of the Sleep Number Mattress (Comfortaire) in January of 2006. At that time we would have had to buy a bed frame, headboard, etc. in order to put in the new mattress because it’s basically two fancy air mattresses each with its own control. We looked all around, but were out of style yet again in that people didn’t want bookcase headboards. We decided to build our own.

This is what we built. Not as elegant as what you see in the stores, but the headboard has storage, controls for various things in the middle, lights, etc. The bed frame is solid wood and weighs a ton (more or less :0) ) It’s strong enough to house all the stuff you need to control the air in the mattress, the pump, hoses, etc., and the mattresses themselves, kind of like building a frame for a swimming pool.

We made frames on the headboard so we could decorate it with river rock.

 

We love this bed because we’re never in agreement on how firm the mattress should be. I also tend to change my firmness from time to time to accommodate my back, while my husband sets it and forgets it, other than hitting the button to replace any air that has been lost.

We also like an electric blanket for the same reason. With dual controls, we can both be comfortable. In January of 2006 my husband decided to ‘be neat’ with the electronics for the blanket. The wires ran all over the place, so he put the wires that ran from the headboard to the end of the blanket in the space under the plywood that was the mattress support of the frame of the bed. He also wired the controls into the headboard nicely, and THEN finished putting the headboard together.

This has worked beautifully for 11 years. I realized that when we put the electric blanket on the bed this time (because we LOVE to have the attic fan on at night when the weather allows it), I had it set on HIGH, but it was only warm. I froze to death several nights in a row, even with adding an afghan on my side of the bed,  before telling my husband we needed to get a new electric blanket.

We got busy during the day yesterday, but we decided to plug in the new blanket when we went up to bed last night. Easy, peezy, right?

When it became clear that we would have to take the whole bed apart in order to get the wiring for the non-functioning blanket out, I told my husband I refused. We ended up cutting the wires, cutting off the controls, and cutting off the plug in at the end of the bed. (Needless to say, our former plans of saving the blanket in case of emergency went out the window. It doesn’t make a good blanket by itself, so we can’t even donate it now. :0(  )  I did mention that we might have gone a step too far in trying to be neat 11 years ago…

At a little after 1 a.m. this morning, we finally got the bed together again with clean sheets, the new electric blanket with modernized controls,  a comforter, etc.

We both slept blissfully well last night. Ahhhhh.

 

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July 27, 2017 · 4:38 pm

‘Destructo-Dog’ Strikes Again

After I fixed us lunch, I fell asleep. I think I got too hot and too stressed with our tower raising this morning.  I’m still feeling a bit as though I’ve been run over by a truck.

My husband, the Energizer Bunny, has been out and in and out and in again, taking measurements of the rotator and antenna with his analyzer. So far, he says it resonates at the wrong frequency. He thinks it was set up for a CB radio, rather than ham. He thinks he’ll need to make a part, though I really have no clue. With the heat index at 106 degrees F. right now, I’m encouraging my husband to stay out of the sun as much as possible.

When I got up from my nap to check on him, he was in the side yard and our puppy, Amber, was in the office. I checked the back porch and she had been busy –

  • I had left water in her bowl. She had played in it, pawing it all over the porch. It was wetter than usual, though, so, in checking around, I found she had knocked the water container we keep on the table, on top of her food canister, off, and had spilled most of THAT, too.
  • My husband’s work gloves had been pulled off the table, too, and had received their share of toothful attention
  • Every toy in her laundry basket was on the floor.
  • She had pulled the towels in her crate out through the holes and they were now on the floor, as well.

It’s amazing, when she has been out for walks two or three times today, plus spent time on her dog run, and in her kiddie pool, that she had time to do all that.

Lesson to us – nothing is sacred even in the middle of the table. We’ll have to move the food canister (a heavy-duty food grade canister with a heavy lid that screws on) into the pantry, since she’ll have it off the table, spilled onto the floor (if possible!) next…

“Destructo-Dog!”

 

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