“This song “I Am Not Okay” by Jelly Roll, and another one, “It’s Okay Not to be Okay” by Demi Lovato have brought out the issue, and it’s way overdue.
When we are not okay, we may express it in many ways – getting quiet, stuffing our feelings inside, avoiding other people, trying to make the pain go away by dulling it with drugs or alcohol, even doing violence to ourselves or others.
These songs are telling us that the artists have been there, done that, felt the same way and have emerged from that feeling, with at least the hope that things will get better.
What can we do when we are not okay?
The most important thing is to acknowledge your feelings. Own them. Until you face your feelings head on, there is no getting better. If you have some really good friends, tell them how you are feeling. Sit somewhere, close your eyes, and acknowledge how you feel. You may cry. That’s okay, too. Let it out as much as you can. Some people write their feelings down.
When you have acknowledged how you feel, recognize the source(s) of those feelings. It may be something from your past that you are carrying around with you. It may be that you lost someone you love, a relationship may have shattered. You may have lost an opportunity you were hoping for.
I had been carrying around some hurtful things for years. One example was that my older brother told my mother that I was “not worth knowing.” I felt “less than” for years – in fact until my brother died. I was finally able to work through my feelings and realize that what he thought about me had actually worked to my advantage. His opinion made me strive harder, though not to please HIM or change his opinion of me, but to feel good about my efforts in whatever I was trying to do. I was able to let go of a hurtful thing, realizing that this was waaaaaay in the past and actually was a good thing.
Things in the present are more difficult. I have felt ‘not okay’ about the fact that my husband and I thought we were moving to Thailand to retire, get out from under the onerous responsibilities we had in Arkansas, live the good life and be able to live close to our grown son. Now my husband is in a nursing home, totally incapacitated, with our main thought to show him he is loved, make sure he is as calm and comfortable as possible, and make sure he is getting the care he needs.
After acknowledging my feelings, I am working my way through this by living in the moment now. I don’t make plans anymore. I live one day at a time, wringing as much joy out of the day as I can, moving from one fun thing to another, learning, varying my activities, concentrating on getting as healthy as possible, enjoying every minute I have with our son.
If you’re not okay, decide if it’s something that you can do something about. Can you look at it differently, causing you to see it in a different light? Can you talk about it to someone else, or would you rather work through the feelings by yourself?
If you can’t change something, then acknowledge that. Really understand and believe that. If it’s possible, put it in a place where it doesn’t stare you in the face anymore – a kind of ‘shelf’ in your mind you don’t look at often, if at all.
If you CAN change it, figure out what you need to do to do that. It may take many steps to solve. Write them down, starting with the most important or time-sensitive thing first. Then work your way down the list. Don’t be afraid to ask for help for this. We all need help from time to time. When you are feeling better, you can pay it forward for someone else.
Realize it’s okay not to feel okay. I am practicing this in a very small way by NOT giving a knee-jerk answer when my son asks, “Are you okay?” Up until now he has followed my “I’m doing fine” with his now famous, “Fur real?” I’m making it a point to tell him when I’m not okay, in as brief a manner as possible, what specifically is bothering me. Many times, we sit and talk about it, and I feel better just having been truthful with him. We are communicating better, understanding each other better every day.
The end of Jelly Roll’s song says something like, “I’m not okay, but it’s all gonna be all right.”
creativeartworksblog 