September 22, 2016 · 2:10 pm
diamondhomesupport.com
“Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?”
September 10, 2016 · 1:11 pm
diamondhomesupport-com
- “I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!
- Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
- I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
- I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.”
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