Quiet Wisdom-Substack
The combination of having a health crisis in Arkansas a year ago this month, retiring and moving to Thailand to be close to our son, and then my husband having a stroke and ending up in a nursing home here has upended what I used to think was important, played ‘fruit-basket-upset’ with our plans for the future, and changed my life forever.
I’ve had good friends say that this is a lot to deal with, and that’s true, but that’s not what is important. It’s what I’ve LEARNED that’s important.
My priorities have completely changed. Now the most important thing in my life is making sure that my husband is as comfortable as possible and that he knows he is loved, whether he is able to receive it totally or not. I want to be sure that what I know he wanted and didn’t want for life, for aging, for treatment, and for end of life are honored, whether the doctors or other care givers agree or not. I will be there to make sure the man I have spent a lifetime loving gets what he wants as much as possible.
The fact that I am now living alone for the first time in my life is a bit daunting, but it’s delightful in surprising ways. I am able to decorate my place so it is pleasing to me. I can arrange my free time as I like moving from one thing that brings me joy to another. I can leave my puzzle out on the puzzle table for the first time in years. I can devote a whole alcove to drawing and painting. I have a computer set up that is functional and set up to meet my needs. I can watch whatever I would like on TV, wearing headphones so I don’t bother anyone.
Being given the gift of a 2nd chance at life a year ago February 11th has made me rethink excuse making – a thing I had brought to an art form. I was overweight for years, hated exercise, loved the wrong foods, didn’t put limits on what or how much I ate – the list goes on. Now that I am still here, I want to do a better job. I want to do as much as I reasonably can to take care of this old, wrinkled body that closely resembles a Shar Pei dog – but not as cute – as much as I can. I want to finally get down to a weight I want to maintain. I want to do various exercises that help me improve my balance, flexibility, stamina, strength, and more. No more excuses. I will just do it EVERY DAY.
I am mindful of all I have and grateful. I see so many good things I can’t count them all. The more I see and acknowledge, the more I have. Each evening I sit for a few minutes just thinking about the wonderful 2nd chance at life I have been given. My list now grows and grows, but suffice to say that I am simply flooded with gratitude and joy.
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