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“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” – C. Joybell C.
My husband and I were living in the house we built on top of a ridge line and lived in with our pets for almost 40 years, trying to keep up with all the house and yard work needed to keep everything afloat. It wasn’t easy, but we were managing. Then we both got Flu A at the same time. My husband also had pneumonia. I also had bronchitis and low blood oxygen. I ended up in the hospital receiving an emergency pacemaker after my heart stopped twice in the ER. We contacted my son and he said he would come to help us, flying 24 hours from Thailand to Arkansas.
A month later, we each packed a suitcase and a backpack, found wonderful, caring homes for our dog and cat, sold everything we owned and flew to Thailand to retire where we could be close to our son. Then my husband fell two weeks later, spent a month in the hospital and ended up in a nursing home.
Feeling a bit like “Stranger in a Strange Land,” – Robert A. Heinlein, we’re making sure my husband is getting the best care possible and I’m living in a condo in the same building as our son. I’m working slowly on learning Thai phrases, am learning how to honor the culture and traditions here, and am fascinated by all I’m seeing and experiencing.
I’m determined to embrace my new life. I was given a second chance at life by the hospital staff in February, and I won’t waste a minute. I am lucky that I am truly able to retire here. I never thought I would be able to say that. With careful juggling, I am enjoying perks here I never could afford in the States, such as a weekly housekeeper who scrubs my place until it shines; a weekly massage that takes out all the kinks and allows me to truly relax; my first-ever mani/pedi I get every 6 weeks or so; a haircut at the same interval; and recently, taking my clothes to the laundry to have them returned clean and nicely folded the following day.
My son and I spend a good amount of time together. We share meals twice a day, we go visit my husband three times each week, we go places together to run errands or just have fun exploring. We go to the gym every morning so that I can walk a mile on the treadmill, trying to retrain my brain to fix my balance issues, lose my extra weight. I’m doing yoga stretches, Internet balance exercises, and dance to fun music with water bottles doing exercises for my arms.
I plan my day around writing posts for my blog – an activity I truly love. I really enjoy finding things I find wonderful and sharing them with my readers. I have met some wonderful people I now feel close to through the blog, something I wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise.
I am learning to draw a bit better, sketching things I find on the net and painting them in an art alcove in my place. I read great books on my Kindle. I watch new and old movies on my TV, and love watching YouTube music videos. Music, new and old, is one of the treasures of my life.
I have time to reach out to old friends and new now. I’m so lucky to have good friends in my life. Most of my family is gone now, but my friends are all around me, just a text away.
So, I feel a bit suspended in mid air in a new country, with a different language, different customs, fascinating stores and food, learning new things each time I go out.
I embrace not knowing any of the answers. I am learning to go with the flow, just enjoying all the differences and trying to fit in as best I can. The people are so nice here, so welcoming, so forgiving of my bumbling efforts to say a few things.
As I learn, my wings are unfolding – I am learning and growing – grateful for the chance to build a whole new life – close to my husband and son.
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