Category Archives: Family

February 6, 2026 · 12:24 am

Jade

I spent much of yesterday in quiet contemplation of what kind of person our dear Jade might have become.

I didn’t do child bearing well. My husband and I married in 1969. We waited for a couple of years to try to have children until both of us had steady jobs and we had purchased a home. I lost two babies before we finally had our son Brian in 1978. (RH negative negative for me and positive for our babies was the main problem). We lost another baby after Brian and finally had our beautiful daughter, Jade. Our family was complete. My husband decided to have a vasectomy so I wouldn’t have to carry the burden of birth control – though that was a bit ironic with our history.

I came home from a community college night class to see all the lights on in my home and my in-laws’ car in the driveway. When I entered the house my in-laws stood up and said, “She’s gone.” In a panic I ran all over the house, not only not finding Jade, but all of her things were gone. The Lewises had decided that while waiting for me, they would gather up her stuff so I wouldn’t have to. My husband was gone, too. He had been taken to the police station because Jade had died under his care.

While we sat in silence, our then 2-year-old son Brian came out dragging Jade’s blanket. He had been crying and his sweet eyes were swollen. He walked to the trash can and threw the blanket in, saying, “Broken.” My husband returned home. The coroner had determined she died of SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) He simply crumpled when he came to me, buried his face in my lap and sobbed.

We both seriously contemplated suicide the pain was so great. Finally, we realized that we had others to think of. We talked and decided we would live for each other, help each other through this, and raise Brian with all the love we had. I learned that night that nothing could ever hurt me like that again.

I got to share two months with her. Each year I sit and think of her particularly on February 5th, the day she left us. Some people said it was God’s Will. I didn’t accept that then and still don’t. I just can’t. What I do believe is that we will meet again some day, recognize each other, and spend eternity together.

I hope that the experts will one day solve the mystery of what causes SIDS and what, if anything, can be done to prevent it, so that others won’t have to go through this. I’m thankful that it caused us to be stronger as a family, to cherish Brian even more, and actually be able to find joy in life again.

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December 28, 2025 · 10:58 pm

Memories – My Brother

This is my brother, Chris, on the left, and one of his sons, Eliot, on the right.

I always wanted a large family with brothers and sisters who loved and supported each other with a bond that was never-ending. My parents were both only children and when they had my brother, and then me, 4 years later, that was plenty in their eyes.

Inadvertently, my parents created a situation where my brother and I were in competition. It was difficult because he always was better in every way than I.

  • In grade school, he brought home all A’s consistently while I brought home mostly A’s and B’s. In one 9-week grading period I brought home a ‘C’ in math, my most dreaded subject. My parents sort of ‘withdrew’ from me, saying the C was not acceptable, and were distant from me for 9 weeks until the next grade card showed a ‘B.”
  • In junior high and high school, my brother continued bringing home all A’s, plus played baseball and won some swimming contests. I played the guitar and sang for a folk music show and taught swimming every summer from when I was 14 until I finished college. I was also a life guard at the local swimming club.
  • In college, my brother got a scholarship to the University of Denver, eventually earning a Doctorate (Dr. Wheaton) while I worked at a local diner off campus at Oklahoma State University, eventually earning a Master’s Degree as a Reading Specialist.
  • My brother decided he didn’t want to teach, so he got a job as a VP in a firm who provided insurance agents to help in disasters. He was in the advertising department. I got a teaching degree and taught in the public schools in Tulsa for 8 years, then ran my own reading clinic, teaching kindergarten through adults for 3 years.

For some reason I will never know, when I was in college, my mother decided to share with me that my brother described me as, “Not worth knowing.” That summation of my worth hurt beyond description, devastating me for quite a while, but eventually giving me a great gift –

What did I learn from my brother?

  • “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are,” attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, emphasizing resourcefulness, action, and making the most of your current situation to build momentum and achieve goals, rather than waiting for ideal circumstances. 
  • I learned to simply keep my head down and be who I am and not judge my “worth” by other people’s opinions or standards. I do the best I can do at any given time and that is enough.
  • I learned that my parents are human, as are we all. They didn’t mean to create a situation where my brother and I competed and I felt failure and loss of love due to the results of the “contest.” What they wanted to create was an atmosphere where we met whatever standards were set and surpassed expectations when possible. They wanted us to succeed, feel the joy of a job well done, of achievement. They wanted us to set high goals, meet them, and then set others.
  • I learned that my brother wasn’t perfect, and that relationships either develop and thrive or they don’t. His opinion actually made me set goals for myself to try to prove him wrong. That didn’t happen, but I learned it didn’t NEED to happen.
  • I am more independent, self-directed, and loving toward the people I care about than I probably would have been otherwise.
  • I am never bored. I always have more to do than time or energy to do them.

Especially now, when my parents and my brother are gone, I can concentrate on happy memories – like when my brother and I won the men’s division and women’s division respectively in ping pong at my parent’s swimming club several years running. I thank him for making me strong enough to face whatever life throws at me, changing what I can and adapting when I need to, even thriving when life throws yet another curve ball.

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December 12, 2025 · 5:19 am

“Remember Me Laughing”

Jim Wheaton

Yesterday I told you that I didn’t feel ‘alone’ because I carry my memories with me. I’ve continued to remember my dad since I wrote that post.

My dad had an infectious laugh. He was an amazing storyteller.

He told one story of he and his friends (all dads, some granddads, NONE of whom had any experience at all) going ‘camping’ one weekend in Arkansas. They decided they would float down part of the Arkansas River in flat-bottomed boats, pick a spot along the river to camp overnight, cook dinner and breakfast over a fire, and then pack leisurely to hike back to their cars.

They stopped at the boat rental place. The renter asked if they had floated before. They hadn’t, but assured the man they wouldn’t have any problems. He made SURE they understood that the river was a little rough this time of year and that it was really important they wear life jackets.

They left their cars, packed up two flat-bottomed boats with their gear, and proceeded to get into the boats and embark. No one had experience in getting into boats, much less floating down the river, so immediately one of the boats dumped over with one of the men trying to climb in. They managed to grab all the gear that went into the water, got into the boats and headed off, their big adventure under way.

The group that was in the first boat lost patience with those in the second boat, so went ahead at their own speed. The big problem with this was that they had all the beer in their boat and so the men in the 2nd boat had nothing at all to drink. The sun was beating down and everyone got super hot quickly.

The 2nd boat caught up with the first, yelling about the beer. They proceeded to divide it up, all drinking until they didn’t care how hot it was.

To make a long story shorter, they couldn’t start a fire because they forgot matches and no one had a clue how to start a fire otherwise. They ended up having some crackers and the rest of the beer for dinner.

They got the bright idea of digging “butt” holes in the ground to make their sleeping more comfortable. All worked like crazy, using whatever they could find to dig with, trying out the hole to make sure it finally ‘fit’ their butts. They got into their sleeping bags, exhausted and hungry, but more than a little high. One of the men started cursing. When the others asked what his problem was, he yelled, “I sleep on my stomach!”

The next morning, still hungry, they were all up before the sun. They were wandering around trying to take care of business, get things together, when one of the men started cursing. He had been trying to brush his teeth – using his tube of Unguentine instead of toothpaste.

With no breakfast, they called the rental place to come get them instead of trying to hike all the way back to their cars, agreeing that this was the first and last camping trip.

Besides painting great mental pictures with his words as he related the story, my dad relived the tale as he spoke. He would break up, laughing helplessly, over and over, almost unable to go on, tears streaming down his face. It almost didn’t matter what he was saying, everyone around him laughed because HE laughed, totally caught up in the story.

He had several stories that we begged him to tell over and over, just to share his joy and fun.

I can see his face in front of me now, trying to catch his breath while attempting to go on with the story. It took me quite a while to ‘remember him laughing’ after he died, but I replay his stories in my mind and heart NOW, remembering how much he loved life and loved to laugh. I have wonderful memories of him to carry with me forever. He’s with me.

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December 5, 2025 · 9:20 pm

ACRONYM

December 5th Jade was born and our family was complete. (You can see Harvey holding her while I feed Brian.)

Two months later I came home from a night class at the community college to find all the lights on at my house and my in-laws’ car in the driveway. I entered to find my in-laws on the couch, saying, “She’s gone.” I ran to the nursery to find the room empty. Harvey wasn’t there, either. In shock, I sank onto the couch, numb. My inlaws said Jade had died and Harvey was at the police station. Brian, then 2, came into the living room dragging Jade’s blanket. He took it to the trash can, threw it in, and said, “Broken.”

My in-laws, trying to do something to help, told me they had gathered up everything of Jade’s and put it away. Harvey was at the police station answering questions. They told me Harvey said she was crying. He did everything he knew how to do to get her to settle down for the night. The next time he checked, she was gone. Jade had been taken by the police to the coroner’s office. As I walked around, there was nothing of her left anywhere. It was like she was a figment of my imagination. I knew I was going crazy.

The acronym is SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I hear it and I fall apart. Jade was perfect. She had just gone for her two month check up and vaccinations the day before. How could my daughter be ‘perfect’ one day and die of SIDS the next, according to the coroner’s report, still seemingly perfect? Our pediatrician actually came to the house and cried with us.

Both Harvey and I seriously considered suicide. Harvey was afraid I would hold him responsible for her death. The pain was so great we couldn’t breathe, much less take in food, drink, or be even reasonable parents to Brian. We were all hurting so badly it seemed there was no other way to make the pain stop. Finally we quit feeling sorry for ourselves and kept living because we had to help each other through it and raise Brian.

Jade would have been 45 today. What kind of a woman would she be? I’ve speculated a lot about that over the years. I HOPE she would be kind and generous, like our Brian. I HOPE we would be close to her, as we are with Brian. Most of all, I HOPE she would have had a happy life, feel fulfilled as a person, found things she loved to do, found people she cherished, maybe had children…

When this happened I felt a cannon ball had been shot through my body at short range. That pain never leaves. As I have seen in others who have also suffered a great loss, we learn to live anyway. Somewhere deep inside of all of us is a part that hopefully doesn’t give up – that rises up and becomes stronger, helping you do what you have to do, what you need to do, and hopefully – finally – what you WANT to do again.


Each year I research the latest in regard to SIDS. They don’t know much more about it today than they did when Jade died. At THAT time the experts said it was important for the baby to sleep on their stomach to prevent choking from throwing up. Now they suggest the baby sleep on their back. There was the question about whether the vaccinations had some link to SIDS. They say not, though I have trouble believing that. A study in Australia links SIDS to serotonin abnormalities in the brain. No one really knows much – and how hideous is that.

I can’t hold a young baby without crying. I can’t go to a funeral without falling apart and becoming the center of attention. It hurts when someone asks about my children. When I tell them about Brian, they ask, “Is he the only child you have?” Well – NO. There is Jade. I am afraid when I see young babies or pregnant women. I keep my mouth firmly shut because the odds are against women or their babies having any problems. I no longer attend funerals. Our minister said, “Jade was born, lived a little while, and died.” I can still feel her in my arms. I hope we meet again in the future.

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October 20, 2025 · 3:09 am

Monday, October 20-2025

@vegipower.bsky.social

We got back not long ago from visiting my husband, Harvey, at the nursing home. Today’s visit was a good one.

As always, there are good and bad parts, but the good started when he looked welcoming, rather than affronted or disturbed, when we opened the door to his room. He looked much better and more alert than he did on Friday.

He started by announcing he had fathered several children on Mars….

But then it got better. We got his agreement to turn off the TV because we wanted to talk with him. He followed what we were saying and actually wanted to know “what we were up to!”

I told him about my idea of getting a tattoo and showed him a picture. I asked him what he thought about it and he said, “Fine.” He then decided HE wanted to get one too – one of a screaming eagle honoring his time in the Marine Corps. Of course, that will never happen, but it was fun to fantasize.

He was very impressed when I showed him a picture of the flowers Khun Nong, my housekeeper, left for me Friday.

He was able to drink the grape drink Brian brought and enjoyed it. At one point, I had to ask him to swallow. He finally did, and then asked, “Are you worried that the grape drink will turn my tongue purple” I told him I didn’t care what color his tongue was – I just didn’t want him to choke. The nurse wanted him to eat a Thai banana and also some Thai “cake” from a package. He turned up his nose at both, but might have eaten them after we left.

I left encouraged for the first time in a long time. It was good that he recognized us, seemed free from pain and was comfortable, actually participated in the conversation some, and looked happy to see us. 😁🙏🏻

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October 9, 2025 · 3:29 am

New Goal

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

University of Central Florida

Maya Angelou was such a wise woman. So many of her quotes resonate with me.

Harvey is being moved from the ICU to a private room this afternoon. He seems to be doing better, though was not alert. We talked to various doctors and then waited for the nurse from the nursing home to arrive before leaving. We were there about four hours.

I’m trying to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, doing the best I know how to do each day, and then doing the same thing the next day.

Stressing about the situation doesn’t help. I’m trying to SEE what is going on as objectively as I am able, base decisions on FACTS – not emotions. I’m not being totally successful, but I’m doing better than I was.

I’m doing everything I can to relax when I can. This helps me stay calm when we’re having to really listen and make decisions based on what they recommend plus what we know about Harvey.

We will see him tomorrow.




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October 8, 2025 · 4:03 am

Hope

Phyllis Harris

__________________

Just before we left to get my haircut, the nursing home texted Brian that Harvey was on the way to the ER. As soon as we finished the haircut, we headed to the hospital.

Long story short, Harvey has a high fever, low blood oxygen, and double pneumonia. He was treated in the ER and then admitted to ICU. He will be in ICU for a couple of days and then moved to a regular room.

I still have hope that we have some time left, but things are quite grim. We have pretty well made the decision not to put him through the surgery for the stomach tube. It wouldn’t have made a difference in what he’s suffering through now, for example, and he’s been through enough. Things could still change, but I’m trying to prepare myself.

His nurse from the nursing home was with him. When we were waiting and talking, she started to cry, thinking that maybe she didn’t do enough to avoid this problem. That made me love her. She has taken SUCH good care of him. She said she considers him her ‘dad.’ We hugged and cried together.

I showed her some pics I had on my phone of Harvey before the stroke, the animals we found new homes for, and a few more. I wanted to give her a sense of the man as he was before. She seemed to really like that.

So today was very different from the one we’d planned. I imagine we will visit the ICU in the coming days until he is transferred back to the nursing home. Sorry about the grim report, but some of you have expressed an interest. Thank you.

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October 7, 2025 · 8:39 pm

Difficult Day

A. A. Milne – Winnie the Pooh

Yesterday we met my husband and his nurse at the hospital for his appointment with the doctor. Harvey was not having a good day. He hadn’t slept well, his nurse said. She had brought little bitty sandwich squares for him to eat because he had to have lab tests before he ate or drank anything. Our son and the nurse took turns trying to get my husband to eat.

He choked often, and the nurse gave him water with a syringe so that he would have an easier time swallowing the little bite of sandwich.

To make the story shorter, the doctor wants Harvey to have surgery again to put in a permanent stomach tube. This would allow him to receive his nutrients directly into his stomach, rather than having to eat.

We are researching the pros and cons of this. My husband and I have talked about death, dying, and hospital procedures over the years and we are in agreement. We both had DNR’s in the states, and we didn’t want ANY invasive permanent procedures to prolong our lives. We didn’t want to be in a lot of pain, but otherwise wanted to let nature take its course.

My husband’s quality of life now just isn’t there. I think he enjoys seeing what they’ll bring him to eat, enjoys rides in the wheelchair out into the fresh air where he might find a doggie or two to pet, and enjoys staring at the TV. I say ‘staring’ because the sound is in Thai and the subtitles are in Chinese, neither of which my husband speaks. I think he likes it when we come visit, but most of the time it’s hard to tell.

This will be a very hard decision. The tube won’t prolong his life. The surgery itself is risky for him, because of blood thinners and being slow to heal, plus anesthesia, and being antsy in bed, rather than lying quietly. Infection is a common problem. Pneumonia is a common problem. Aspiration of even saliva is a definite possibility.

We will see what his nurse thinks, plus keep researching. We want him to be comfortable as possible. A sad, difficult decision.

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September 15, 2025 · 11:17 pm

Hope

Phyllis Harris – @phyllisharris on x

Website Etsy Site

______________

“hope” – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
–Emily Dickinson

Yesterday was a sad day for me, having to face reality that my husband could stop breathing at any time and relay the decision to honor his wishes that he not be resuscitated if he stops breathing again at the nursing home.

I did some thinking when we got home and decided that I can do one of two things:

Accept “reality” and mope around, concentrating on ME and what I’m going to lose, losing the joy – OR accept ‘reality’ – keeping hope alive, concentrating on the positive.

  1. “Hope. It’s like a drop of honey, a field of tulips blooming in the springtime. It’s a fresh rain, a whispered promise, a cloudless sky, the perfect punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. And it’s the only thing in the world keeping me afloat.”
    –Tahereh Mafi

I’ve been given a second chance at life. None of us comes out of it alive. We don’t even know where, when, or how it will end. Harvey and Brian came very close to losing ME in February. Only the fact that I was in the hospital for the flu and low blood oxygen saved me.

Harvey and I fell in love when I was 14 and he was 17. We dated for 9 years while he was in the Marine Corps and I was going to various schools. We married in 1969, had two beautiful children, and have spent over 56 years together as a family.

Now he is in a nursing home. I still see him 3 times a week, hoping that he will still recognize us, be happy to see us, and may be able to communicate a bit before we have to leave. He is on a new medicine that MAY help his mood and alertness. We won’t know if it’s effective for a while.

  1. “I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
    –C. Joybell C.

I can’t live without hope. It’s ironic that with the orders I had to give the nursing home yesterday, there is the chance that “I” will die before he does! It’s all a beautiful crap shoot – full of opportunity, sights and sounds, wonderful people, things to learn, things to enjoy.

“Hope is sweet-minded and sweet-eyed. It draws pictures; it weaves fancies; it fills the future with delight.”
–Henry Ward Beecher

As Phyllis Harris showed us in her beautiful drawing, “hope” is fragile, should be cherished and shared freely.

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September 15, 2025 · 3:08 am

Not Okay

Ruth Irving

_____________

We went to visit my husband today.

One of the managers stopped us as we went into the nursing home, telling us that Harvey quit breathing during the night. He started again, but she wanted to know what we wanted them to do if it happens again. My husband and I have agreed that when our time comes we don’t want to be resuscitated, no heroic stuff, just let us go. Telling them that today, though, really upset me. Deciding what you want or don’t want in THEORY is very different than doing it for real.

My reasons for not wanting to say it, though, are very selfish. I simply don’t want to face it. I don’t want him to go. See all the “I’s” in these statements? When I force myself to think of HIM and what HE wants, the decision is much more straightforward.

He made little sense today, talking about atomic bombs on funeral pyres, but at one short point he DID say to Brian, “If someone tries to bully you or make fun of you, you tell them you have a dad who loves you, and to pound sand.” He also said, “One of the best things of my life is to have you call me Dad.”

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September 3, 2025 · 11:47 pm

Dinner

StockCake

We enjoyed dinner with my adoptive family and other friends last night. Lots of good food, people with their kids, conversation and laughter, and even some hugs.

My adoptive grandson is starting to warm up to me now. I gave him another of the dinosaur pics I drew and painted for him and he was happy. Brian played with all the children there during the evening. Everyone made me feel very welcome, feeling like a warm, smiling group hug.

My hearing aids are wonderful. The first time I met these people I couldn’t understand much of was said in the group, and only understood when it was one on one with me straining to read lips. This time I could hear most everything, so my pleasure ballooned. 🤗

I enjoyed several foods I hadn’t tried before – even some that were a bit spicy – and they ALL were really tasty.

I’m still smiling.

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August 21, 2025 · 4:56 am

Stressful Couple of Days

Dr. Jamie Hardy

Harvey is on his way back to the nursing home after being taken by ambulance yesterday to the intensive care unit in the hospital for pneumonia and low blood oxygen.

We went to see him yesterday and couldn’t be sure he knew we were there. Today he knew us, but didn’t communicate. His caregiver from the nursing home was there today when we arrived. There was a nasal tube and I.V.s everywhere. He did open his eyes. The bottom line is that we okayed another medicine and are paying yet another huge bill for hospital services. They did put him on antibiotics for the pneumonia.

I was upset because it seemed to me that they were criticizing us for not going for everything they wanted us to do. Brian said I was overreacting, but I guess I’m sensitive when we know Harvey better than anyone and know how he would react to many of their suggestions.

The good news is he will be back at the nursing home this evening with his full time caregiver and familiar surroundings. We will wait to see what happens as far as our next visit.

My stress level is through the roof, but I’m glad that the pneumonia seems to be solvable and that he didn’t seem to be in pain.

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July 22, 2025 · 5:48 am

July 22, 2025

Freepik

I am in celebration mode! I got the magic stamp on my visa today that says, “Retirement” and a date in September 2026 to renew!!!!!

I AM LEGITIMATE!!!!

4 months of jumping through hoops – then waiting – over and over came to an end this afternoon. No fireworks went off. No balloons in the air. No parades. No bands. Just happy tears of relief cascading down my face.

I still have to do 90 day reporting, in October, as Brian does, but that’s pretty much routine. I will need to renew my visa next year, but that is not NEAR the hurdle it was this time.

The only thing remaining on our visa issue is the acceptance of Harvey’s extension on his medical visa for another 90 days.

_____________

Freepik

We are arranging for my son to have a ‘vacation day’ tomorrow – free from any responsibilities. A day to meditate, sleep all day, relax, regroup. He deserves well more than that. He’s basically been pumping adrenaline since he flew from Thailand to Arkansas to help Harvey and me when we were both sick and I almost died in February. All this has taken its toll, and it’s time to arrange for a lot of down time whenever we can arrange it until he feels really good again.

A day for celebration!

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July 17, 2025 · 8:49 pm

Friday Thoughts 7-18-2025

Last night at dinner Brian gave me flowers! Aren’t they beautiful? I thanked him from the bottom of my heart for making me feel special. 🤗

I’ve been to the gym, eaten breakfast, and will soon go for my massage. I look forward to it every week, as Khun Wey-o seems to be quite adept at finding and kneading out my sore spots.

We are going to visit Harvey as soon as I get back from the massage. We are jumping through hoops on renewing passports and visas. Since Harvey was at the hospital last time and is now at the nursing home, we are, in effect, starting over with some of the requirements for him. We have to take several pictures of him while we are there, documenting his bedridden status and getting a closeup of his face. Then there is a several page document, front and back, with several places he is supposed to sign. They will accept thumb prints, so we are ready to get those.

We also need a doctor’s certificate of his status. The nursing home cannot provide this, so, when we leave from our visit, we will go to the hospital, where we have requested this document. We may have to wait some time for this.

Then we will go back to the visa office and give all this to the lady who is handling this for us.

Depending on the time when we finish all this, we will either regroup for a bit before getting out of Khun Nong’s way for her to clean this afternoon. If it’s time for her to already be working, I have left the things I need in Brian’s condo to spend a few hours at the cafe next door while Brian works there on his laptop.

Many things on the list today. Wish us luck that all goes well instead of things blowing up in our faces. I wish YOU a wonderful day!

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July 9, 2025 · 3:14 am

Chocolate Therapy

Masterfile

Thank goodness for chocolate therapy! We needed it after our visit with Harvey today at the nursing home. He was sitting in the wheelchair on the front porch when we arrived, but he was having a bad day. He was almost totally unresponsive.

The few questions he answered were totally inaudible. He simply mouthed the words. I, who have trouble hearing him when he IS audible and have to try to read his lips, couldn’t understand a thing he said today.

Apparently he had only two things on his mind. He wanted us to bring him a phone so that he could order what he’s seeing on TV. He has no idea where he is. He has no bank account, and we finally cut off the credit card on any accounts we have had in the past so that he can’t get on and order anything. He thinks he is in Arkansas or Oklahoma. He has no idea of money, or whether it makes sense to order what he has seen. He has seen it and he wants it.

The other thing he wanted was a hamburger and French fries. Brian ordered this for him, even though we’ll also pay for the meal they would have served him for lunch today. We watched him eat it. He didn’t say anything or even look pleased. He did wolf down the French fries, but only ate about half the burger.

We had brought him a new, simplified, Kindle, that was only for reading books. Brian had even downloaded all the books Harvey had on his old Kindle onto the new one. We tried to show him how to use it, but he just wasn’t catching on. We will try again next time.

So, today’s visit was a super challenge and very depressing. There just ‘wasn’t anyone in there today.”

We stopped on the way home for chocolate therapy to try to maintain sanity. Hopefully, the next visit will be a good one.

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July 6, 2025 · 1:48 am

Update on Jet

My dear friend Carla sent me this picture this morning.

When we left Arkansas to move to Thailand, my biggest concern was our pets – our yellow lab, Amber, and our weird cat, Jet (aka Monster Cat). Some people down the road from us we had never met before adopted Amber, and all seem very, very happy together.

My friend Carla said she would take Jet so that she could take the time required to rehome her to a family who would love her and take good care of her.

We had adopted Jet several months before from a shelter in Fort Smith. She was beautiful, but she came with some baggage. She had had a litter of kittens recently when we adopted her. She had been spayed and was ready to be adopted. She didn’t trust people.

She was not very affectionate and there was quite a challenge to get her to accept that Amber lived in our home, too. She definitely has quite a personality and isn’t afraid to show it – hence, her aka name.

Carla has a heart as large as Arkansas. She has several animals she has adopted and takes wonderful care of all of her menagerie. She took Jet out of the goodness of her heart because she knew I was so worried about leaving my pets.

Somehow – probably due to the huge kindness Carla shows to people and animals alike – Jet has become part of Carla’s family. The rest of the animals adapted much more quickly than Jet, and Jet was slow to warm up to Carla, as well.

This picture shows Jet lounging on the huge, comfy bed that actually belongs to the dog! She now sits in Carla’s lap. Jet definitely won the lottery on homes with Carla. 😁. This picture made my day. I still tear up when I see it, SO happy for both of them. I hugged Carla when she told me she would make sure Jet got a good home, and again when Jet and all her stuff went home with Carla, but it will never EVER be enough. ((((Carla))))

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July 4, 2025 · 12:22 am

July 4th 2025

Village of Rochester, Racine County, Wisconsin

I’m told that some people may set off fireworks this evening somewhere around Chiang Mai, though there isn’t an organized event. I guess there might be enough expatriates here. It would be wonderful to see.

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OC Fireworks

My dad’s favorite holiday was the 4th of July. We made it an all day event at our house with ‘snakes’ and a ladyfinger or two, but we always went to the swimming club my parents belonged to in order to cook outside, swim, and see their fireworks display.

One year my dad developed cataracts in both eyes. The doctors said they had to get ‘bad’ enough for them to operate on one at a time, but that 4th of July, my dad was almost completely blind. He had given up reading, TV, becoming really depressed about the upcoming holiday. He COULD see lights, but decided he wouldn’t ask Harvey and me to drive my mom and him to the club.

Harvey spent the day out doing errands. He came home with a humongous grocery sack full of fireworks, plus snakes and a whole group of ladyfingers tied together. We brought cookout stuff, which my parents expected.

When we finished dinner Harvey suggested we sit out on the back patio. My dad reluctantly joined us, but it was obvious that his heart wasn’t in it.

Harvey brought out the snakes first. My dad’s face nearly cracked open when he ‘saw’ what Harvey had brought. He got down low, sitting on the concrete, so he could see the snakes as they were lit and grew, curling all over the patio. He was like a kid at Christmas.

Harvey brought out the ladyfingers and my dad hugged him. He asked Harvey to light the end so that the whole group of ladyfingers went off one after the other.

And finally, the sky grew dark. My dad had gotten quiet, wishing he could see fireworks.

Harvey spent the rest of the evening setting off one firework after another in our back yard – safely – but close enough my dad had the best row in the house actually being able to SEE each one. He thanked Harvey over and over for providing the “best 4th of July EVER!”

I brought out a towel and a beer for Harvey, who had been working so hard he was wringing wet and thirsty.

If I hadn’t already loved my husband as much as humanly possible before this, this would have proved to me that my husband was a ‘keeper.’ 🤗

Happy Independence Day!

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July 3, 2025 · 2:15 am

Smoke Signals?

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We got home a while ago from visiting Harvey in the nursing home.

It’s getting more and more like a stressful game of charades, or sending smoke signals, or playing the old “20 Questions” game when trying to communicate with my husband.

Today he asked for his notebook. He had written a page and a half of notes he wanted to tell us. The trouble was, his writing was undecipherable. I kept going over and over it, hoping a word or two would give me a clue, but I gave up finally and handed it to Brian. He couldn’t make any sense of it, either. Worst of all, Harvey couldn’t read it – even with his glasses – or remember what he had written.

We gave up on that and just tried to talk to him. The only thing we got was 1) he wanted to come home with us 🥲 and 2) he wanted to order a dishwasher for the condo online (one of the reasons we don’t give him his phone.) I explained to him that we don’t have a lot of dishes to wash and also there wasn’t room to add a dishwasher to the kitchen.

He did say he had a good time playing with the dogs on his wheelchair ride. We are hoping that they take him out every day that the weather is cooperative. It’s a good thing for him to look forward to.

On the way home, we stopped at the small mall to run an errand plus check out a shop that supposedly offered magazines. They DID! We got him three and will take one to him when we visit Sunday. He wanted a newspaper because he wanted to read Thai (and the magazines will enable him to look at written Thai as much as he wants.) He really liked the sugar-free grape drink Brian brought for him and sucked it right down.

Even though communication is more and more of a challenge, he seems to be comfortable. We are hoping the magazine Sunday will give him some good entertainment.

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June 30, 2025 · 12:33 am

Comfort

This is the KaVela Craft Chocolate x Bangpun Coffee Bar. As you near the door you cross over a koi pond! There is a sensor on the door frame that you pass your hand in front of for the door to open automatically for you.

It’s a spacious shop with plenty of space for you to talk with a friend or bring your laptop and work as long as you like. The wooden table to the left of the photo is full of incredible VanVela Chocolate offerings, all made from plants grown and processed by the owner for the products in his various shops.

Brian and I like to sit at the table to the top right in this photo. He has a hot version of chocolate and I like the cold.

We go there sometimes on the way home from visiting Harvey at the nursing home. Today was a chance to breathe, talk a bit, and help each other through one of his bad days. He said a couple of things that made sense right at the beginning of our visit, but mainly continues trying to get us to agree to do things that would not only be bad for him and us, but, in some cases, disastrous. We have explained most of this stuff over and over to him, but he just can’t seem to take it in.

We are thankful that Brian and I are not trying to do this alone. The fact that we can discuss options, possible things that might help, or simply listen while one or the other of us needs to vent or needs more hugs than usual, or —-chocolate.

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June 22, 2025 · 3:36 am

More Decisions

Ben White – Unsplash

We have been in the position of having to accept hospital appointments for tests, prescriptions for new medicines, etc., and being presented with yet another bill without our being contacted, having our acceptance, etc.

This is not sustainable. We didn’t expect the stroke my husband suffered or the month in the hospital. We have found a caring nursing home who is now taking care of him (he is basically bedridden) and, though he is able to talk now (with our reading his lips), he makes very little sense. Sometimes he knows who we are, sometimes not. Each visit is challenging.

Our basic goal is to make him as comfortable and content as we can. This is challenging, as well. He says conflicting things, often at the same visit. He is delusional, unhappy with some stuff. We pay attention to all he says, check out what is possible, and try to substitute as many things we know he likes for things he actively doesn’t.

He has been receiving physical therapy. He is really unhappy about that. This has been going on for two months now at the nursing home, and – to our eyes – is going in the wrong direction. He seems to be weaker now that before, and is actively fighting efforts to try to get him mobile – into a wheelchair, up and walking, things that would make him stronger and able to do a few things on his own. This is one of the things he is continuing to be adamant about. He wants the physical therapy to stop. He DOES like to get into the wheelchair and be wheeled onto the front porch or out in the yard, so we are asking that they substitute what he wants to do for something he is not cooperating with and actively dislikes.

Other decisions, such as cutting off the un-agreed-to appointments at the hospital, new meds – very few of which are important to keep him alive – etc. are being discussed. These added costs to what is already expensive are unsustainable.

SO – we will continue to visit him and try to provide things he seems to like, both when we are there and when we aren’t, that will hopefully make things more pleasant for him. Attitude is all – but his isn’t very positive so far.

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June 20, 2025 · 8:12 am

Mostly Nice Friday

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I had a mostly wonderful day today, starting a 6am on the treadmill in the gym, followed by a fabulous masssage by Khun Wey-o.

I quickly changed my clothes and Brian and I went to see Harvey at the nursing home. He was full of gripes and impossible expectations, conspiracy theories, etc., and we’re having to make some difficult decisions going forward. He did tell us that he missed us just before we left, but the rest of the time was very challenging. We are talking with the owner of the nursing home and changing some things with her help.

We got back just in time to grab my book and my jacket and we headed for the coffee shop next to the condo to make ourselves scarce while my wonderful housekeeper (!) was in my place cleaning. 😃

We had dinner and now it’s almost time for bed. (Getting up at 5am changes your seriousness about bedtime and trying to get enough sleep.)

Thankfully, we have a pretty quiet weekend ahead.

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June 17, 2025 · 5:09 am

Perspective 6-17-2025

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My mind is feeling boggled today after visiting Harvey at the nursing home.

Truth is sometimes relative, and my mom used to say that perspective is all. So my poor brain is trying to wrap around different perspectives each time we visit.

Today my husband asked if we had brought his phone. We asked what he wanted to do with it. He answered that he wanted to order a blender he saw on TV and a pool table for the condo. On further questioning, these for ‘when he came home.’

Details of ordering things from a phone in Thailand don’t occur to him. I’m really grateful that his perspective of things doesn’t include stuff like that or we would be in a huge problem, assuming he had everything in place to DO that…

The other thing he wanted was a haircut, shampoo, and shave. He wanted to call our wonderful hair stylist, Michael Remillard, from Tangles in Greenwood Arkansas. He thought nothing of flying ‘home’ to do for this TODAY, having forgotten where we live now. Then, when we pointed it out, he said that Michael would be happy to fly HERE at his own expense, do these things for him, and then fly back home again. (I wrote an email to Michael explaining that Harvey was missing him and the wonderful haircuts and beard trims he has given Harvey over the years and was missed.)

He was upset his hair hadn’t been washed. When we asked him, that is apparently done when he showers. Since he is currently telling them he doesn’t WANT a shower….

From his perspective, his dreams are true. Some of these are happy, though impossible. Others are scary. They are as real to him as the fact we were sitting there today talking to him.

He seemed calmer today, though, and for that I’m grateful. He recognized us, said he was happy to see us, and that he had missed us. (This is a first.) He actually enjoyed his breakfast today.

As the stock brokers say, “Current earnings are no guarantee of future gains,” or something similar, and each day we visit has a different perspective. It was nice that today was a calmer look at his world.

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June 10, 2025 · 4:21 am

A Good Day

This is from my friend, Marsha. I have to say it takes the whole idea of facing things with optimism to a whole new level! 🤣

We went to visit Harvey this morning. This was the most lucid he has been, although the neurologist has warned us that episodes like this may not be repeated. We had good contact today, he thanked us for coming (!), knew who we were, wanted us to fix his watch and download more books on his Kindle for him. We left feeling that we had had the first contact in a LONG time with him.

We stopped on the way home for a celebratory coffee. I had the best tall, cold glass of Thai chocolate on the planet. Brian laughed at my face when he saw my reaction after the first sip. Beyond words! 🤗

I’m still suffering from my sore back. I’m beginning to suspect that this is due to side effects from my new blood pressure medicine. I read the side effects and two of them are light-headedness and back pain. Brian is going to see what else he can find. Meanwhile, I’m taking pain pills morning and night, electrolytes and three magnesium pills in the morning, a concentrated version of potassium with distilled water in the afternoon, and I’m doing gentle walking around my condo and trying to stretch some.

Our cleaning lady is working in Brian’s place today from 4:30-7:30. He is doing his work at a place cleverly called, “The Work Space” today, and will bring dinner to my place around 6:30 this evening. I have had a resting day. I may be be bringing being a slug to an art form…

I hope you are well today.

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December 7, 2024 · 9:24 am

Saturday Thoughts 12-7-2024

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Feeling somber today with thoughts of the 83rd anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day. Makes me realize that my worries and concerns are silly in comparison.

My husband was a U.S. Marine for 4 years – 1965-1969. They were on a ship, offshore everywhere in crisis during that time. The most dangerous, I guess, was when he was offshore Cuba. He trained hard and was proud of his service – earned a medal for marksmanship, among others, but was frustrated that he never faced combat. He really wanted to know if he was ‘any good,’ if he could survive. I, being a selfish type in love with him, was relieved he never had to find out.

When we were in California years later at a conference, we took the time to drive down Highway 101 along the CA coast down to San Diego to see the Marine Base there. I think he was disappointed that there were no signs saying, “H. Lewis trained here” and there were no ‘jarheads’ exercising in the heat while we were there.

He’s still embarrassed when someone thanks him for his service. I wanted to purchase a stone plaque in the square in Greenwood to honor his service, but he said an adamant ‘no!’ He feels that he doesn’t belong with those who faced combat, were wounded, or died. The plaques are for all who have served. We have agreed to disagree on this.

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November 26, 2024 · 8:43 am

Gift

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November 25, 2024 · 2:18 pm

Did I Tell You I Love Rabbits?

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“Hop into my heart, Little Bunny.” ~ unknown

Louise Ostara-Pinterest

“Life is better with a bunny by your side.”

When I was growing up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, we had two pet rabbits. One was named, “Peter (Rabbit),” and the other “Welsh (Rabbit)” (a play on Welsh Rarebit.) We lived in a ranch style home with cork tiles as our floor covering, so that was perfect for kids chasing rabbits and dogs, always a part of our family. I have such fond memories of snuggling with these two large rabbits. I absolutely loved the way their noses twitched.

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October 11, 2024 · 9:49 am

Friday 10-11-2024

My good friend, Cathy, sent this to me this morning. I had JUST come out from feeding the cat and cleaning up her area, so this was especially apt. I love it!

Monster Cat’s favorite toys are

  • the ‘mice’ with catnip in them that I got altogether on a card at Walmart for next to nothing months ago. They don’t seem to lose their allure.
  • a cloth ‘ball’ on a string not tied to anything
  • an empty box in the middle of the living room floor

She WILL get on the cat tower in the corner of the room, especially if I put one of the catnip mice on top. (She is drawn to the ball on a string that hangs from the top level.) I got her some ping pong balls, and though she bats them around for a bit, loses interest and just leaves them. Actual cat toys are a complete dud.

I will say that she plays and entertains herself more than any cat we’ve ever had. We sit and watch and laugh at her as she ‘stalks her prey’ of the ball on the end of the string, crouching down behind the corner of the box, then springing out to pounce on the ball. She then carries it in her mouth and jumps into the box. A few seconds later, she SPRINGS up out of the box and the game begins again.

Her favorite thing at the moment is sitting out on the screened back porch watching some rabbits who have been moving around out there in the evenings. I don’t know if she could actually catch them. They certainly keep her attention.

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October 5, 2024 · 8:55 am

“Modifying” Monster Cat

“Monster Cat” aka Jet

This is how she looks right now, sprawled out on the shelves beside my computer set up. She nods off now and then, looking extremely comfortable. I tried to pet her a few minutes ago and she bit me. She doesn’t bite HARD, but she did break my skin this time, so I’m continuing to try to break her of this.

Our paper towel roll is her newest handiwork. She found it in the pantry recently and apparently batted it all over the place after pulling it down from the shelf. My husband was going to throw it out, but I told him that although it LOOKS a bit odd, it should still work fine to wipe up spills. Maybe it also adds character to our kitchen?

I’m not having to try to catch her to put her into her bathroom anymore. I merely walk toward her bathroom. She either follows me right away, passes me in order to ‘herd’ me in there, or she come running when she hears a bit of her food hit the bowl. I can then step out and close the door without the cat latch. I have modified her food so I can do this each time I go in there and not overfeed her :0)

She is now joining me on my recliner several times a day. She jumps up, walks up my front and looks at me. I pet her, and then she turns around and plops down beside my feet.

She still either ignores my husband or is hostile. We don’t know what her background was before we adopted her, so we have no idea why. He is also relentless in his actions, refusing to adapt to what she does, so this may be a long slog.

Monster Cat and Amber (97 pound yellow lab) are getting along fine. I just make sure the cat isn’t out anywhere when Amber is eating. So, we’re making progress of a sort. Her weirdness fits right in with ours, so it’s an interesting mix.

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September 13, 2024 · 10:12 am

hahahahahahahaha

My friend, Cathy, has been reading about my efforts to get Monster Cat to be at least a bit more cooperative. One of my ‘training tools’ is a small cosmetic bottle of water that I can spray to TRY to get her to –

  • stop chewing a cord
  • get her face out of my drink
  • get off the kitchen counter
  • stop trying to pull my husband’s throw off his chair
  • stop baiting the dog as if there is no danger
  • Quit ‘love biting’ me

You get the picture.

Yesterday she sent me this –

I’m still laughing.

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September 7, 2024 · 10:22 am

Learning to Live With Monster Cat

boredpanda.com – reddit.com

This is a nice mental picture of what it’s like to live with our new cat – “Monster Cat” (aka Jet).

She fits in well with us, as she may have mental/emotional challenges. One day she’s quiet and prefers to find places in the sun on the floor to sleep. Other times you cannot walk around without her attacking your leg, pouncing, with claws out and trying to bite. I’ll be reading in my chair and suddenly the cat flies past me, apparently after a catnip mouse, or attacking the empty box on the floor.

She has only actually hurt me once, and that was a long time ago. Usually the bites could be considered ‘love bites,’ I guess – very noticeable, but not breaking the skin. The claws are more problematic. Since she is a ‘house cat,’ rather than going outside as our last cat did, I’m thinking of trying to clip her toenails – one at a time – with great care.

Two days ago I found a roll of paper towels on the floor in the pantry. She had gotten the roll out of the opened package on the shelf, dragged it to the floor, and riddled it with claw holes and bite marks. It looks like a pretty serious fight was enjoyed. I’m not sure who won. I THINK we can still use the paper towels, just maybe not on the roll holder on the kitchen counter…

Sometimes she will allow a bit of petting. If she starts waving her arm, though, back off. She follows me around, jumping up to say “Hi,” then lying down by my feet in the recliner. She doesn’t want to sit in my lap. Just says a quick. “Hi,” and then moves to lie beside my leg.

When I pick her up to put her to bed at night, I kiss her head and cuddle her as I walk and she PURRS – the only time she does this.

I’ve learned that since she follows me, I can get her to go into her bathroom when needed by rattling her food container in there. She is suddenly right there. I can give her a few pieces of food and shut the door. HAH! She is seeing the pattern that we keep her and the dog separate for eating and then use the cat door cat door latch holder –

amazon.com

that props it open so she can go in and out readily while keeping Amber out when it’s safe for her to come out again.

I’m having an easier time working with Monster Cat, trying to train her a bit, than I am my husband, who I’ve been working with for over 55 years now. I had to yell at him yesterday because he was actively trying to get her to go outside while holding open the door! I think I finally got through to him, but he’s a stubborn former Marine Corps guy and he is quite recalcitrant about cooperating.

Every day is a challenge, with both the cat AND the husband. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on.

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September 6, 2024 · 8:59 am

Doggie Rich

This is our Amber. She is really too large for people our age. (97+ lbs. now). It’s amazing that in the house and around the yard, when we’re by ourselves, Amber minds amazingly well. She comes, sits, gets down, fetches toys, sits until we tell her it’s okay to eat her food, waits for us to say ‘okay’ before she goes out the door, goes to her ‘place,’ stays off the furniture, doesn’t jump up on us, and more. When someone is HERE, she acts like she is deaf, has never seen us before, and has never had ANY training of any kind. A definite work in progress. We were told that labs calm down when they get to be two years old. Amber didn’t get the memo. She’s going on 5 now.

This is Jasmine, my SIL’s dog. My SIL works hard to raise a well-mannered dog who minds well, gets along well with people and other dogs, etc. They enjoy long walks together daily, have play dates with others, wears a CUTE raincoat when needed – a sweet, fun dog.

Finally, this is Skye, my good friend’s brand new puppy, only brought home this week. She is 8 weeks old. She doesn’t do anything yet, but eat, poop, sleep, and look at cute as cute can be. She probably will be like Amber, as far as minding when others are there, but Skye will only be 7 pounds full-grown, where Amber is a bit over 97 lbs.

Three different dogs in different situations, all bringing joy to their families. How “doggie-rich” we are!

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