Sad Anniversary Today 2-5-2023

Jade Wheaton Lewis

A SHORT HISTORY: We married in 1969. Between then and 1977, we lost three babies to miscarriages. (Rh Factor) In 1978 we had our son. In ’79, we lost another baby to miscarriage. In ’80 we had our daughter and our family was complete. Two months later, on February 5,1981, we lost our daughter, Jade, to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

“Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexplained death, usually during sleep, of a seemingly healthy baby less than a year old. SIDS is sometimes known as crib death because the infants often die in their cribs.” The peak incidence of SIDS occurs between 1 – 4 months of age; 90% of cases occur before 6 months of age. Babies continue to be at risk for SIDS up to 12 months.”

She was “perfect,” and she was gone. Our minister said, “Jade was born, lived a little while, and then died.” I couldn’t listen to more.

The pain was so intense that we both seriously considered suicide, then decided we had to live for each other and for our son. I read everything I could find on SIDS, and discovered the experts knew very little about it – why it happens or what can be done to prevent it. The experts also told us we were lucky that our son was only 2 – that he wouldn’t understand or remember it. Soon after we lost her, he took Jade’s blanket across the room to the trash can, threw it in and said, “Broken.” So much for the experts.

Lasting effects –

1. I still can’t hold a baby in my arms without crying, even after all this time.
2. I worry for pregnant women or women with babies under 1 year
3. I can’t go to a funeral without falling apart and bringing all the attention to me, so I try to show I care in different ways.

There ARE some positive effects, though –

1. I have learned that there is a core way down deep inside that enabled me to not only survive but to enjoy life again.
2. I have looked at life differently since then, cherishing the people in my life, and all the things that are beautiful and bring me pleasure.
3. I am much more forgiving, even though I threaten my husband from time to time of having the backhoe guy on speed dial to dig a hole for him in the back yard.
4. Our family grew closer and stronger.

A really frustrating thing is that the experts know little more now than they did 42 years ago about SIDS. There are now baby monitors that are very helpful to parents. The experts now suggest that babies sleep on their backs. I haven’t found anything more about the shots that babies get at two months. I will never forget, though, that our pediatrician came out to the house when he heard we had lost her, and cried with us.

I hope that one day I will see Jade again, finding that her spirit is healthy and happy; and that one day the mystery of SIDS is solved.