Monthly Archives: February 2022

The experts know little more about SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) than they did 41 years ago.

This is our Jade. She was born Dec. 5, 1980. She died of SIDS Feb. 10, 1981.

Our son was almost 2. The experts said he wouldn’t understand. Wouldn’t remember. He picked up Jade’s blanket, put it in the trash and said, “Broken.”

“Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the sudden and unexplained death of a baby younger than 1 year old. Most SIDS deaths are associated with sleep, which is why it’s sometimes still called “crib death.”

“SIDS has no symptoms or warning signs. Babies who die of SIDS seem healthy before being put to bed. They show no signs of struggle and are often found in the same position as when they were placed in the bed.”

We were told to put Jade to sleep on her stomach, to keep her from having any problems should she spit up during the night. “While the cause of SIDS is unknown, many clinicians and researchers believe that SIDS is associated with problems in the ability of the baby to arouse from sleep, to detect low levels of oxygen, or a buildup of carbon dioxide in the blood. When babies sleep face down, they may re-breathe exhaled carbon dioxide.” This is the ONLY thing they seem to have learned in the 41 years since we lost her – now telling new parents to put babies to sleep on their backs.

We had taken her for her two-month shots on Feb. 5th. There is some discussion on the shots being a factor, though the autopsy showed she was “perfect.”

Other facts –

• my husband and I both felt guilt. I was across town, taking a night class, being ‘stir-crazy’ from the responsibility for caring for a new baby plus an almost two-year-old, wanting a break desperately. My husband felt guilt because she cried and he let her cry for a bit before she slept.
• we each seriously thought about suicide, each ultimately deciding our spouse and son needed us
• our pediatrician came to our home and cried with us
• I can’t stop the fear when I see a pregnant lady or person with a young baby. I can’t hold a baby without crying. I can’t go to funerals without falling apart, bringing attention to me, rather than the person we have lost.
• the hole in our hearts will never fill

Final facts –

They may never know what causes this or how to prevent it. Through this, my husband and I have learned how precious and fragile life is. We have learned that, even when each of us is being hard to live with, we ‘punch’ and hug at the same time, knowing we have each other through the best and worst life has to offer. Love is stronger than hurt. Love is all.