I got angry with my husband a couple of nights ago because he got grapes and two cookies to eat before bedtime. We had been in the habit of eating something before bed, but usually I brought him something or he brought me something. This time it was ‘every man for himself.’ He told me he was trying to help me with my diet.
I bit him about it, stomping into the kitchen to get myself some cashews.
Last night, he was suddenly standing beside my recliner with a small bowl of cashews in one hand and his snack in his other hand. THIS time I was frustrated because I had not had any snacks all day and now here he was, handing me one.
OKAY. You can easily see the reason for the confession. I’m a mess and should be shot.
I have been thinking about it ever since and finally have figured out what my problem is – I am childishly resenting my husband’s situation.
I’m the one who took responsibility for his Type II diabetes and figured out things he could eat and drink while cutting out as much sugar as we could. He simply griped a bit, but ate what I fixed or bought. He is now on board with avoiding sugar, though he still denies he is diabetic.
He was overweight, but not nearly as much as I. Plus he’s taller, and I resent THAT, too – weight-wise. He is almost never hungry while I go around with my stomach – which thinks my throat has been cut – growls. He is right about where he wants to be weight-wise now while I have another 30 lbs to go. He is now at the point where he can have snacks whenever the thought occurs to him while I try to satisfy myself with another bottle of water.
I’m finished ranting now – or at least I THINK I am.
It is NOT his fault that I stuffed my face for far too long. It is not his fault that he loses weight more quickly than I – even with my efforts to exercise daily – or has less to lose. It is not his fault that I’m not taller. My resentment is misplaced and unfair.
I am now picturing my ‘mental tantrum’ – and deciding that this is something I will change.
I will change the cashews to an apple tonight. I might even share it with him.
creativeartworksblog 