Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though – he woke up!
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
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