Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve
