Intimidated

ashleyjensen.org

I’m a wimp.

Years ago, when my good friend Debbye was dying of recurrent breast cancer, I watched her doing some watercolors in her bed. I told her, “I wish I could do that.” She got angry with me – the only time EVER – saying, “What are you waiting for? What is your excuse? YOU have time. YOU can practice. YOU can learn. What difference does it make if what you do never makes it off of your own refrigerator door? JUST DO IT!” 

I answered her challenge by starting my own website, Creative Artworks, with the good help of my son, who designed my website. I had only my own stuff on there, but then learned I could add the work of others without increasing my costs – just my own labor. I ran the website for about 17 years, met wonderful people from all over the world, some of whom became good friends. It was a wonderful experience. I shut down the website last year because it was time and I still have my own work on Etsy and ArtFire.

Now I’m trying to learn something new. I’m trying to learn to paint more realistic fur and feathers on my drawings. I’m using a tracing board to do the drawings, since trying to draw animals and birds free-hand is intimidating, too. I now have a group of drawings, some my own, others traced from a book called, Keys to Painting Fur & Feathers, some traced from images I found on the net.

Now it’s time to actually add the fur or feathers and I’m finding that, again, I’m my own worst enemy. I keep finding another drawing to add to the mix. I keep re-reading parts of the book. I continue to look at the drawings…

I’m thinking of Debbye today as I try to gather myself and get started. I’m trying to fight feelings of inadequacy. I know my drawings won’t end up like what I’m trying to emulate. I see Debbye’s face as she sits on the bed challenging me. “What difference does it make if these never make it out of my sketch book? I don’t have to show these to anybody EVER. I can ball them up and throw them away.  WHY am I procrastinating?

I’ve decided to start with colored pencils, just doing a light color block on a drawing, with the idea of refining it over and over until it’s as good as I can make it right now. I can always do another tracing and do it again. Maybe this will get me started – TODAY.

Wish me luck?